Moments of Clarity
by neolithicdreamer
Summary: Life is full of significant moments,moments of clarity that shape our future.What happened in that elevator and in the aftermath Spoilers if ep.7.12 not seen  Told from Callies pov first,later Arizonas. Lots of introspection at first.
1. Chapter 1

Moments of Clarity 1/?

She'd had a couple of similar moments before of course, Callie Torres mused, as she sat on the couch,in the basement of SGMW hospital, pondering the events of the last 2 hours, the last 2 months, indeed nearly the last 2 years.

Indeed one of, if not the most significant decisions of her life to date had been made in the bright blaze of one such moment. Yeah, moments when suddenly the clouds of confusion, ignorance, uncertainty and even emotion parted to reveal a bright blue sky of clarity shining through.

She smiled as she remembered that first moment,that evening so long ago now. It was twilight, not just in Botswana but on her time in the Peace Corp. Sure she had signed up for a two year stint to help people less fortunate than herself but there had been a large element of avoidance too -avoiding the day of judgement when she would have to make a decision as to what to do with the rest of her life.

Her parents had reluctantly supported her decision. They were both of a generation of conservative Catholic latinos who believed in family,in God, in hard work. School, College, Work, work to succeed in life. The concept of "taking time out" to "find oneself" was as alien to them then as Callies same sex relationship with Arizona Robbins was years later. But, they had let her go, and she remembered that evening as if it were yesterday – working alongside the sexy Dr. Roberto, the hot, hot Italian medic from Medicin sans Frontieres. He had become her best friend (sadly without benefits despite her efforts)and she his wingman as he chatted up (and usually conquered) the seemingly endless supply of cool, blonde northern European types working with the various NGOs in the charity community in Botswana.

That evening he was tending to a wizened old woman(in reality she was little more than 50) and her grandchild in the clinic. The intervening generation had been all but wiped out by AIDS. As she watched him work she was hit by the sudden blinding realisation that this is what she wanted to be, no not wanted, needed, had to be- yes Callie Torres knew then that she would be a Doctor. And that decision made that evening was not one she had ever second guessed, not through the grinding slogs of medical school, of her internship, her residency or ever since.

Later major life decisions were more of a gradual nature, like the decision to specialise in Ortho or the decision(if it was a decision) to yield to her new and confusing desire for her then best friend Erica Hahn. No, there had been no one Moment of Clarity then propelling her to make those decisions nor were there any such moments later before, during or after the debacle that was her ill-fated marriage to George O'Malley. No - had there been such a moment then maybe she could have spared them both so much pain and regret.

No, until tonight , the only other comparable moment she experienced was in the ambulance bay on THAT day. As she stood side by side Arizona as they watched Rubys ambulance pull out and saw, Arizona glance at her once and then turn to walk away the clouds parted once again. And in that moment Callie Torres realised that she did not want to live without the beautiful yet complex blonde package that was Arizona Robbins. It was then she made her vow not to need or want children provided she could have Arizona. And she meant it, hell she had never stopped meaning it, not when Arizona promised her 10 kids, not when they lived in their almost unimaginably beautiful bubble of happiness in the weeks after the shooting, not even after they formally moved in together when Arizonas almost obsessive need for tidiness and order made Callie want to bury her under her own famed pile of bricks. No, whether she would have to make that sacrifice or not, it would be one worth making if she had Arizona in her life, wanting her and needing her as much as she wanted and needed the blonde.

But even those twin moments were nothing like what Callie Torres experienced 2 hours ago in that elevator. She had been hit by a Tsunami of Clarity in that grubby elevator and to mix natural disaster metaphors she was still feeling the after shocks hours later. Just as natural disasters are never expected Callie Torres was not expecting this either. No - as she stood in the elevator and watched as the one she had once thought of as THE ONE sprint towards it she pretended not to notice. She prayed ( to the God who had seemingly abandoned her 2 months earlier) that Robbins would not make it as she willed the doors to close. She was at breaking point and if she had to spend 5 minutes trapped in the slowest elevator in North America with Robbins- well she really wasn't certain that she would not end up wringing the blondes beautiful neck. All Callie wanted to do was to go home(well to Marks),hoping he would be out, and curl up on her makeshift bed with a bottle of Tequila and aww crap,crap now even that pleasure was beyond her. Why? Why her? Why do bad things bad people happen to her,why did she always end up alone, why?

Of course Robbins did make it barely squeezing in with seconds to spare and it was then it began. As Arizona Robbins launched in to yet another impassioned declaration of love and apology it happened. Not so much a moment of clarity as a whole lifetimes worth, it was like a near death experience. It was as if every synapse in her brain ignited at once and every clear thought just simultaneously burst forth. In real time this took only as long as it took for Arizona to finish and beg for one more chance but if all those thoughts and certainties and knowledge that flooded through Callies consciousness in those few moments had to be spoken aloud maybe hours would have to pass.

That morning as the stick in her hand turned pink Callie knew or maybe just remembered that she still loved Arizona, had never stopped loving her but she also knew that it was too late now that it no longer mattered a damn. So she did what she had to do to just survive- just like Babygate- she lashed out and turned her love to hate. When she saw that perky smile and that perfect sexy body moving in to HER apartment she could have, have...never had she wanted so badly to hurt someone..if Mark hadn't been there..she may even have struck her. Instead of her hand though she used her tongue. She wanted to lacerate Arizonas heart. Why should her smile, her heart be intact when Callies were in shreds? Why should Callies heart be the only one to bleed when Arizona was the one who walked away without cause, when Arizona was the one whose vows to have children would never now have to be tested?

So when Arizona began speaking in that elevator Callie Torres was expecting clarity but when the flood began it began in earnest. As she heard the words forgiveness fall from those lips she realised that she had already forgiven her..whoa..when did that happen..was it sudden, gradual, was it as she sat listening to her patients husband Kyle earlier? It didn't matter..all that mattered was that it was true. But more than that was the sudden realisation that the breakup wasn't all down to Arizona..that she Callie had played her part too and at times with gusto. The manner of the breakup,in the middle of Sea-Tac,as Arizona walked,almost ran away from THEM, well she would leave that still at Arizona. But the cause of the breakup, she could no longer place that 100% at Arizonas feet, no the cause suddenly seemed much closer to fifty fifty.

Callie could see now her role in this mess- she cringed as she remembered her passive aggressiveness almost from the very start. When Arizona bounded up to her in Ortho and dragged her off to a supply closet and squealed "I won, I won, me, the Carter Madison Grant" she realised now that she had never seen her lover so excited(outside of the bedroom anyway) or so happy. And as Arizona was the perkiest happiest person of her acquaintance that was saying something.

And for the first time Callie realised, what should have been blindingly obvious to her then, that most of this happiness was not about the winning but what the winning would achieve. Arizona had animatedly described in some detail what she had included in the submission and what it might mean for the children of Malawi and maybe even further afield in Africa. And Oh my God how could she have forgotten this detail? As Arizona had continued talking(and bouncing) suddenly her face had fallen..in her excitement and rush to get to Callie to tell her the news..she had forgotten the other consequence of her win. Callie had completely blocked out the memory of Arizona suddenly appearing shocked,in pain almost as she blurted out the words "And, and, and...now I have to go and live in Malawi". The way Callie had chosen to remember this Arizona chose to go without as much as a second thought or care for Callie but now she realised that though the decision was made quickly maybe instantaneously even it was not without pain it was not carefree.

Every snarky word, every mean spirited glance she gave Arizona in the weeks following came flooding back to her..but what she could not remember was ever uttering a single word of congratulations to the so called love of her life. Oh God, now she remembered her very first words to Arizona- not "well done baby, Im so proud" but "You are going to Africa? You are leaving me? Just because the great Dr. Robbins wins some award I get left again?" Sure she said sorry and they had mindblowing make up sex that night but now she couldn't get the look of hurt on Arizonas face out of her mind..Oh god Callie had ruined her initial moment of glory.

And another realisation hit..she was the one who decided ,nay, insisted on going to Malawi. They hadn't even discussed other options..sure it was patently obvious Arizona was going( even now Callie could not understand how Arizona could decide so fast) but she was so afraid of losing her for good that everytime Arizona broached the topic of Callies career or the difficulties they would face as a gay couple in Malawi Callie stopped her. She was going and she steamrolled ahead.

Sure she did not deserve what happened in the airport or the accusation that she was "ruining Africa" for her, it wasn't true then but in the end it turned out to be. She had (in part) ruined Arizonas time there and in the end Arizona had given it up for her-she had given up her dream-not just a vow to do so. And what had Arizona got in return? OK she hadn't merited instant forgiveness but turning up jet-lagged and hoarse on Marks doorstep- did she deserve silence and a slammed door? Did she deserve to have Callie walk away from her time and time again as she apologised and begged and declared her love? Did she deserve to have abuse screamed at her only this morning?

Yes Callie realised all of this in those few moments and she knew, with as much certainty and clarity as she had ever possessed that she wanted nothing more than to give Arizona another chance, to give them another chance, a chance to finally be honest and open with each other, to cast aside their fears, to talk, to work it out. And she knew too in that moment that no-one would ever own her heart like Arizona, that Arizona loved her, that Arizona wanted and needed her, had sacrificed for her and that in coming back to her Arizona was unique.

She knew too that Arizona would never stop loving her but she realised too, saw for the first time, notwithstanding the many hints and outright statements she had been given before, the extent and the depth of Arizonas insecurity and jealousy of Mark Sloan. So what had Callie done? Yes, she had gone and proven her right. Maybe, just maybe(but probably not) Arizona could get over,in time, the fact, that within weeks of them breaking up Callie had gone back to men, to Mark but that didn't matter now. It didn't matter because no matter how much she loved not even Arizonas heart was big enough to forgive the ultimate betrayal that was this pregnancy.

The irony was not lost on her- their first break up was caused by hypothetical babies but it would be a real baby that would prevent her from ever having Arizona in her arms again.

So as she heard the words "because I am in love with you Calliope and you are in love with me too" fall from Arizonas mouth Callie Torres recognised the absolute truth of that sentence just as she realised that Arizona deserved to hear that other truth now. Deserved to hear it now so that she could move on with her life,maybe even retrieve her dream in Malawi. The possibility that Arizona would even forgive her enough to keep her on her Christmas card list was remote and Callies heart ached as she realised that the revenge she thought she had wanted was now at hand –that she would be the one to break Arizona- and at that moment Callie was filled with self-loathing and disgust.

As she uttered the words "Today I found out that Im pregnant with Marks baby- How About now" she barely recognised her own voice so devoid of emotion and hope it was. She imagined as she spoke how Arizona would respond. Stoically, her military upbringing would ensure that, the shutters would come down once again on that beautiful face that had been so uncharacteristically open and emotional since her return. She would probably purse her lips and give a couple of tiny nods as she digested the news. She might even manage to mutter a muted congratulations before walking out of the elevator, calmly, purposefully, head held high. There would be no emotional breakdown, not in public, not from Col. Daniel Robbins daughter. Callie knew this, had experienced this with Babygate but she knew too that in private and alone her Arizona would be shattered.

Callie knew all of this, but she was wrong...

To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

TITLE Moments of Clarity 2/?  
AUTHOR Neolithic Dream  
PAIRING Calzona, later some Mark/Lexie  
RATING PG?  
SUMMARY We all have significant moments in our lives, moments of clarity that shape our future. What happened in that elevator and the aftermath, somewhat introspective in the beginning. Starts with Callies' POV,will move to Arizonas' POV and eventually real communication. Spoiler up to ep.7.12 and (possibly by co-incidence only ep.7.13).  
DISCLAIMER I do not own Calzona or any of the characters mentioned in this fic. They are the property of Shonda Rhimes/ ABC etc.. This fic is purely written for enjoyment and without intent or prospect of profit. No copyright infringement intended.  
A/N This is my first attempt at any type of fiction writing ever never mind fan fiction. It may not be great but I had a surprising amount of fun writing it. Any comments welcome but go easy as I'm a newborn!

As soon as she had uttered the words "Marks baby" she realised she was wrong. All the fresh knowledge gleaned in the last few moments did nothing to help her gauge Arizonas reaction. She watched as if in slow motion every drop of blood appeared to drain from the blondes face...she watched as shock and pain battled for dominance on those beautiful features. She watched in silence as Arizonas mouth opened and closed again and again as she appeared incapable of actual speech mirroring the silent opening and closing of the elevator doors. Time stood still for Callie Torres as Arizona seemed to slowly disintegrate before her.

She lost count of the number of times the elevator opened and closed. Thankfully it was late and that particular hallway effectively deserted so they were not disturbed. After what seemed an eternity she could hear Arizona starting to talk in a low barely audible voice, in a tone apparently not designed for others to hear. Callie realised she had seen her lover act like this only once before- when Gary Clarke had entered their makeshift OR on THAT day. That day when Callie had watched in horror as Arizona has seemed to shut down uttering a repeated mantra over and over again. But, if anything, this was worse, much worse or maybe it only appeared that way to Callie as she was the cause this time not a deranged broken man.

She could just about hear the words as they were repeated as if on a loop- " No, no, she loves me, me, not Sloan, my Calliope- No, no...". Callie had seen the symptoms of shock before and not wanting to do further damage whispered lowly "Arizona,Arizona" but to no avail. The mantra was repeated and repeated. And then Callie watched helplessly as Arizonas legs seemed to slowly buckle beneath her as she slipped down to the floor in the corner of the elevator, the wall of which keeping her in a seated position. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself as if trying to keep the world at bay. The doors opened yet again and Callie knew she had to do something but what. She could not, would not, leave Arizona alone in this state to be discovered by a stranger but it would only be a matter of time before someone appeared at the elevator. In the meantime Callie was not certain how her ex would react to her touch and even if there was no reaction Callie would not be able to get Arizona out of that elevator and away from prying eyes unseen. And then she remembered that this was one of the few elevators that went all the way down to basement level, down to her old sanctuary and it seemed appropriate now that for a little while it could offer sanctuary to Arizona too.

When they reached the basement Callie had to half carry half drag Arizona out of the elevator and into her former home. She sat on a long abandoned but remarkably comfortable couch and lifted Arizona into her arms where she cradled her and rocked her almost like a baby. At that moment all Callie cared about was that Arizona would come around and be ok..nothing else mattered in that moment. Eventually the mantra ceased and Arizona seemed to gradually come out of her trance. She glanced at Callie , a haunted yet confused look in her eyes, and as if having made a decision reached out and clung to the Latina with the fearsome grip of a drowning man and she sobbed..gut wrenching body trembling sobs. Nothing in the over 18 months they had been girlfriends, excluding the time spent in two horrendous breakups, prepared Callie Torres for this. She was the crier, the one who wore her heart on her sleeve and her emotions on her face. Not Arizona who prided herself on her strength and saw crying in public(for herself) as a weakness although encouraging others to express their emotions as cathartic- a contradiction that when pointed out to her would be met with a shrug, a smile and a "Marines don't cry". And now here she was sobbing like a baby in what seemed like an unstoppable uncontrollable wave of emotion.

So, as Callie sat there holding the broken love of her life in her arms she pondered all her own moments of clarity ( and those other moments of less than that) that had led her here. She realised that the pain of having your heart broken was nothing to the pain of watching anothers heart break due to your actions. She realised too that life was not something that happened to you, life was not something that you could be passive aggressive about because life was just not that simple. No, she was not just a bystander in her own life, not just a victim- she was an adult and as such shared in the blame of the bad times just as she shared the glory of the good times. As an adult she shared the blame (sometimes more sometimes less) with George,with Erica, with Arizona. And she recognised her part as an often immature adult in a sometimes corrosive co-dependent friendship with her equally immature best friend Mark. A friend whom she loved deeply but not in that way, a friend who might hate her if this unplanned pregnancy causes him to lose once more his fragile and newly built relationship with Lexie Grey. A friend who never truly respected her relationship with Arizona but then why would he when Callie herself never did..at least when it came to Mark.

All these realisations, in the elevator and now again in this basement,made her re-evaluate the time she had spent calling Arizona her girlfriend. By no means was Callie the only one at fault; the blonde was not the perfect woman,the nicer person,the better doctor( as Callie had once ranted to the Chief) but Callie was the one who had put her on a pedestal. For all her protestations of "awesomeness" Callie realised that Arizona, as arrogant as the next surgeon when it came to work,was in her own way as insecure and as flawed as herself in her personal life. No this was not a "wallow in guilt –fest" by Callie Torres but merely the realisation that there was two of them in this and both were to blame for all the things that led them to this basement at this time in this state. All these realisations that had come too late- because were it not too late for a do-over then Callie truly believed she could have got it right this time, THEY could have got it right this time, they might have had it all, they might have had forever.

**ARIZONA**

While her initial breakdown seemed to lead into a waterfall of tears the sobs finally subsided and Arizona Robbins knew, because her head told her so, that the right thing to do was to disentangle herself from her ex-girlfriend as quickly as possible and get away to somewhere she could pull herself together. However, whether it was fatigue or the uncertainty of whether her legs would function or just the desire for the comfort of being held in those arms one last time, her head did not win out this time. So Arizona closed her eyes and still clinging to Calliope and tried and eventually succeeded to sleep.

Arizona Robbins had experienced moments of clarity in her life too and maybe in her semi conscious state she now pondered her own life altering moments for good and for ill.

The most significant one by far had come on her seventeenth birthday. It was the day she realised, after years of struggling against it, that no matter how she fought it, or tried to convince herself that it was a phase that would pass, or tried to pray it away, the fact remained that she was gay, that she was a lesbian. She realised that day too that she had a choice..to be proud or to be ashamed..but there was no middle ground. She chose pride and to this day was a proud gold star carrying lesbian. Maybe if she had been a teenager now it would be easier than in the nineties although recent events in the US made her wonder how far in reality had things come. In any event she realised that day that no matter how much she willed herself to lust after Tom Cruise in one of her favourite old movies it was the sight of Kelly McGillis astride that motorbike that made Arizona mouth was that day she decided to stop pretending that it was the jocks on the highschool football team that she thought about when she closed her eyes when in reality it was the cheerleaders who had her attention. That was the day when finally the picture of Cindy Crawford took pride of place on her wall.

It did not mean that everything fell neatly into place after that day- no- there were the multiple comings out that had to be navigated through, the first to her brother and best friend-Danny, later to select friends at school, then her Mom, later in college,in Med School and in every hospital she worked and with every social or sports club she joined. Some went better than others but nothing could have prepared her for coming out to her father. The dad she adored but of whom, she was, in equal measure in awe. The Marine Colonel Dad by whom she fully expected to be thrown out of her home, out of her family and whom she fully expected to refuse to ever see her again. She was 19 now and while she had never lied to him she could no longer bare to conceal the truth, she would be a good man in a storm even if it cost her everything.

And it was that evening in the Den with her father that she had another defining moment of clarity. If her father, her Dad, could accept her, could love her, not despite her being gay,but because she was gay and being gay was part of who she was and who he raised her to be then all that being so then she would mirror her Dads life. The man who had spent his entire life honouring the sacrifice of his father by doing his duty to family, to country and to others. She would as much as possible spend her life doing her duty, to family, to country and to others and to bring honour to her father and to make her worthy of his love and pride in her. It was in that moment she finally decided on a career in medicine ( it had always been the frontrunner anyway) and maybe somehow she would be able to negotiate the perils of the then new military policy of DADT to enlist as a marine once qualified.

The latter part of the plan was never to be, and indeed it was her father who discouraged her- telling her that he did not want for her the double life of secrecy and deception required of a gay person in the US military- that he did not want her honest and open nature to be destroyed by that. It was he that told that being a Doctor was enough, that she would be fulfilling her duty that way. Maybe she would have enlisted anyway but the knowledge that had her truth been revealed that a dishonourable discharge would follow decided it for her. Arizona Robbins would never do anything to dishonour either the proud record of service of the Robbins family or her father.

None of that stopped the guilt however , a guilt which only intensified when her beloved Danny died in service in Iraq, bleeding to death on a dusty roadside, a death that might,just might have been prevented if there had been a medic present. His death changed everything. Her belief that what she did was enough was shattered that day- how could her comfortable safe well paid existence as a Paeds surgeon in the top hospitals of the USA be enough, be her doing her duty,her service? It could not,it was not! It was then she first crystallised her heretofore vague idea of working in Africa, that ultimately became her submission to the Carter Madison foundation.

However her next true moment of clarity was not when her brother died but on the day when war came to her through the grief stricken madness of Gary Clarke. THAT day when her beloved Calliope, her then Ex, deliberately stood between her and a gun and later vowed to give up her dream of a family just to be with her. Arizona Robbins knew then, as if a light had been switched on, that one day she wanted and needed children, children who looked like their Mama or Mami or whatever the hell Calliope wanted to be called, beautiful children with tanned skin and dark brown eyes and brown/black hair just like her love. She knew at last that she had been wrong when after Danny died she decided that the less people you loved the less you could be hurt. She knew that day that she would love Calliope- with all the risks that loving someone like her would bring- and that one day-in the future-after some more living had been done-she would love their children too.

She had long since forgotten the Carter Madison so when the news came she had rushed to find Calliope to tell her. Where it once was Danny to whom she rushed, and later, to her parents (never any of her exes) now it was to Calliope. She so wanted to make Calliope proud of her, to be worthy of her love and her enormous heart that the fact of a move to Malawi was forgotten in the excitement. Callies subdued, near angry reaction shattered Arizona though she hid it well. She never wanted to leave her but Arizona had failed to do her duty once too often. She had failed her family and her brother by not enlisting, she had failed Callie on the day of the shooting and there were only so many chances to be " A good man in a storm" so to Malawi she must go- there was no choice involved.

It was only later much later that Arizona Robbins realised that she was wrong..


	3. Chapter 3

**ARIZONA**

In the weeks following the announcement as she prepared for her new life in Malawi Arizona never doubted her love for Callie. She knew she loved her but did Callie really love her? She knew that sometimes she did not understand people but Calliope was no longer just "people" to her, she was supposed to be "her person" now. They seemed to talk even less, well they always talked but when it came to what really bothered them they both found it hard to open up. Callie seemed so angry at her all the time and Arizona just did not understand why. She had even gone so far as to tell the TV crew that had she been the grant recipient she would not have taken it! This from the surgeon whose competitive streak had led her to undermine all her friends, including Arizona, in an attempt to "win" the Chiefs €1,000,000. So, no, she wouldn't have given up the grant, not for Arizona anyway. She didn't want to even give up her batcave for Arizona.

But then Calliope said she wanted to go to Malawi with her and that was all that Arizona wanted- she got to have her dream and her dreamgirl- so Arizona was a coward again. She was too afraid to say no, to suggest a long distance relationship,or to even discuss it. She was too afraid to lose Calliope again, too afraid to risk that pain, the pain she experienced during "Babygate"-the name she and Callie jokingly gave to that rocky period (and breakup) before the shooting. So she matched Callies "passive- aggressiveness" with her own "aggressive –perkiness" all in the hope that when they finally got to Malawi they could sort out their problems. As the departure day loomed though it got harder and harder to ignore- Did Callie want to go, did Callie want to be with her? Had she been right all along- was Callie more in love with the idea than the reality? Was Arizona just another person to love not the one? Arizona was not used to being the insecure one, she was awesome, she had people lining up for her but so would Calliope and maybe...And Arizona was angry too, this was her moment, she was giving up her comfortable life and yes it was her choice –it was what she wanted and she wasn't doing it for glory but damn it shouldn't she get to enjoy the beginning- before the hard work began? And Calliope just made her feel guilty and bad and she didn't understand what was happening to them.

So Arizona had another moment, not one she would later ever confuse with clarity, no it was a moment of darkness, stupidity, anger, a moment when all her worst characteristics came to the surface. She snapped. Did she really believe it when she said that she would go to Malawi and be happy- happy without Calliope- happy in the knowledge that Calliope was happy somewhere else- with someone else. Maybe in that moment she believed it, believed it was for the best, in that moment, conceived out of hurt, but delivered in cruelty.

She knew she was wrong, by the time she had obeyed the "fasten seatbelt" sign on the plane, she knew she had made a mistake. Ever the optimist, she half expected to see a breathless Calliope slide into the empty seat beside just as the plane taxied down the runway, clutching her boarding card, giving her a look that said "You're a moron, you know that and you're not off the hook, Dr. Robbins". But that didn't happen and instead Arizona spent her flight doing her damnedest to avoid even looking at that empty seat. Her mind was so full of thoughts, of the realisation of what she had done in that Airport, that she forgot to be scared of flying. She forgot that she usually felt closer to death on a plane because she felt that a large part of her had just died, her future had died.

She realised as she sat in an Airport lounge in Amsterdam, awaiting her next connecting flight, that she had answered the question she had put to Calliope on the day of the shooting. She wasn't different to Erica Hahn or George O'Malley..she was the same..she had left too, the only difference was the choice of venue. It was on the last flight that she realised that Callie, even if she was unhappy about it, had been prepared to sacrifice for her, to leave everything behind for her. Arizona knew now too, after all the months of insecurity- insecurity that stemmed from Arizonas own past and not Calliopes- that she would not have gone back to Mark, or men or any woman either, that she would not have cheated.

Arizona threw herself into her new life at the clinic. The harder she worked, the longer she worked the less time she had to think about her lost life, her lost future. Nothing good could come of dwelling on the past so she faced forward and moved on. She ignored the phonecalls, deleted the texts and emails from Calliope without even reading them. Listening to the voicemails was never an option. It was best that way. It was like her father had taught her; hit hard, hit fast, so you don't have to hit a second time. The airport was fast and hard and there was no point in looking back. Callie (she could not think of her as Calliope anymore) would move on, and Arizona had a whole lifetime of experience doing just that too. She had cried the first time she had to leave a best friend behind but by the time she had reached the age of 12 she was a veteran. So she knew this too would pass, the deep yearning, the loneliness, if only she could stop the tears. Arizona Robbins, daughter of Col. Daniel Robbins (Ret.) did not cry. Only she did, every day, every night.

For all her great qualities Arizona was proud, proud and stubborn. So she maintained total silence. She never once mentioned Callie in the many emails she exchanged with Teddy. The emails fell into a pattern; Teddy would tell her all the news from SGMW and Seattle in general and would end with a few paragraphs about Callie, her new haircut, her success with a new innovative hip surgery,how unhappy she was. Arizona would read those paragraphs over and over, memorizing every line but never commenting in her replies on anything Callie related. Teddy didn't know if Arizona wanted her to mention Callie, she even asked in one email if she wanted her to stop mentioning her. Arizona ignored the question and just asked for an update on the latest Karev/Kepner/Avery gossip. So Teddy kept updating her and telling her that she was an idiot and she kept reading and silently agreeing.

So onward she went, to do her duty to the kids of Malawi and to make her Dad proud. In reality all she did was make him poorer. Calls to Malawi were easier than calls out so every call from her parents lasted for hours, much of which involving her crying about Callie. Her Dad tried to tell her to contact Callie, that it was not too late to work things out or at least bring closure between them. He told her she would not be failing or letting anyone down, least of all him, if she came home. It took over a month of this for the penny to finally drop and another month to formulate, and have accepted by the Foundation, a plan that would ensure that she could go home without letting the kids or the staff in the clinic down. Her vision for a new dawn of Paediatric Surgery in Malawi would continue, just not with her at its forefront. Yeah, that day, when her colleague asked "If they could replace you, would you go home?" her "Yes,yes" in reply surprised her as the words came out before her brain had time to register her answer internally.

It seemed like the ultimate moment of clarity. Blue sky thinking under a cloudless blue Malawian sky. She knew then that the commitments she had made to Calliope( she could call her that again) were as important, no, more important than any others. The promise of forever, the promise of kids. Nothing mattered without Calliope, she and their kids were her future and any amount of yelling and abuse that she would have to endure before being forgiven, well that would be worth it. She knew now that they were MFEO, endgame, IT.

She had plenty time to dwell on what might await her on her return, plenty time to craft an awesome speech, to strategise. Her father had taught her military tactics, had taught her "Fail to plan, plan to fail". So as she approached that blue door she had a plan, a speech. She expected to be yelled at (even though that irrepressible perky inner child of hers half expected to be drawn into a welcoming loving romantic embrace). But all that planning was for nought for when she saw her, saw her Calliope standing there, inches away, sexier and more stunning than ever, Arizona could not remember a single planned word. She would struggle later to even remember what she had said. And Calliope, too, she did not behave as expected either. The fiery passionate hot blooded beauty stood there in silence, her face unreadable as she closed the door.

There were no yells or screams in the days that followed either. Just an eerily calm cool unemotional string of rejections as she told Arizona to go back to Malawi, that she had not come back to their relationship even if Arizona had. So earlier today when Calliope stood in front of her and screamed that she was untrustworthy, self-centred, that she would only hurt her again if allowed back in her life, that she was not wanted all that Arizona really felt was relief. Anger meant feelings, hate might turn into love. Arizona felt hopeful for the first time since her return. She had no expectation that before the days end her hope, her life would be turned upside down.

During the course of that day it seemed that her lot that day was to be humiliation; in front of Sloan, in front of multiple residents, even in front of wet behind the ears med students. Her every flaw investigated and dissected. Mark Sloan barely stopped short of calling her a deserting rat. For a self professed "Good Man in a Storm" few insults could be greater than being labelled a bailer. Arizona Robbins did not care, because she would admit to any failing just to get another chance. And Mark, well he seemed to want to help her, even if he was going about it in a typically Mark way. She had heard on the SGMW grapevine that he and Lexie Grey were trying again and she wondered abstractedly whether she could ever get herself to like Mark, really like him, because it would make life a lot easier if her girlfriends best friend was also her friend.

And as she side stepped into that elevator that is how she saw matters. Her optimism was back, Calliope would be her girlfriend again, yes she had decided that she was not letting Calliope out of her sight until she had agreed to give her another chance, to forgive her because at the end of the day the alternative was just not acceptable.

**CALLIE**

Callie wanted this moment, as imperfect as it was, to never end. Sitting there in the basement, holding her sleeping angel in her arms, gently stroking her blonde hair, the hair that had seemed to grow in inverse proportion to her own, Arizona- all calm now- breathing in gentle even breaths. She could almost convince herself that they had a future even though she knew that once Arizona woke up she would flee and Callie could not blame her.

She knew too that Arizona had been given a hard time all day and by ,of all people, today of all days, Mark Sloan. She had overheard Karev and Kepner talking about it. When Arizona approached her earlier announcing that she was a bad listener but that she was now ready to listen Callie was, in retrospect,bemused. Arizona was many things but a bad listener –never. She was the one who had listened and supported as Callie had cried over George, bitched about Erica, mourned the loss of her father and the rest of her estranged family. She was the one who listened as Callie planned her approach to Chief Webber for the attending position and wiped away her tears when Callie made her "IM a rockstar resignation". And again it was Arizona who listened as Callie worried and panicked about her public speaking abilities. So she knew that this had Sloan written all over it. When it came to listening, well, maybe it was Callie who did not listen, or chose not to hear when Arizona tried to explain her feelings toward Mark. It was certainly always Arizona who compromised- Arizona who had to put up with Mark and his boorish remarks and insinuations about their previous sex life,it was Arizona who had to put up with the interruptions, his constant presence; on their dates, in their kitchen even once in their bed! And she always made excuses, telling Arizona to be nice! He's lonely, he means well, he's my friend.

And was Arizona a bailer? Well, yeah, she bailed in that airport, there was no question about that but was that the exception that proved the rule or was that who she was? She didn't flee in the face of the Tornado that was Papa Torres, something that could not be said of many of her exes. Callie gulped at the thought of the confrontation that would surely happen between Mark and her father at some point in the next few months. Arizona could handle her Dad. But she had bailed before,in little ways. In the debacle that was Babygate Arizona did a mini- bail, it seemed easier for her to walk away than to discuss the possibility of a family. But if she was a bailer, why? Arizona was one of the bravest people she knew in many ways so why? Because she could, because she didn't care enough to stay or was it fear, fear of the unknown, fear of letting anyone see her weaknesses, her flaws. And if it were the latter then today must have felt like her own personal Armageddon as flaw after flaw was thrown at her. All Callie knew at that moment was that as flawed as the blonde surgeon might be she still seemed to be the perfect person for her.

Finally she could feel Arizona stirring in her arms as she gradually emerged from sleep. While the basement was in semi- darkness she could still see Arizona, as still half asleep, the confusion of where and who and how cross her face as she turned and faced Callie;

"C-cal...where are we?


	4. Chapter 4

'C- Cal, where are we?' Arizona stuttered in a small voice.

'In the basement, the part where I used to live- it's quiet and away from prying eyes and-'

'I, I don't remember anything about coming down here, I, we were in the elevator and OH..' It was as if Arizona just remembered how their conversation ended, just remembered those final words ending with Callies futile "How about now?"

'Yeah, Big Oh' Callie said defeatedly, knowing what was soon to come. 'You, you kinda went into shock there, Arizona' she said gently 'and I couldn't leave you like that so I brought you here and then you were crying and then you, you fell asleep and now you,re awake..I..'

'Oh'

Silence filled the room as the pervading sadness seemed to briefly strip both women of the ability to form words never mind sentences. As Arizonas eyes adjusted to the limited light she could make out the contours of, see the emotion on, Callies face. It was then she realised the position she was in,still sitting,lying on Callies lap, still being held loosely in Callies arms. As she struggled to disentangle herself and stand up she muttered in some embarrassment- 'Oh, I, yeah, I think I remember crying, huh, always the crying these days..I'm sorry, you shouldn't have had to look after me like that, I'm sorry and'

Callie watched as the reaction she had originally expected began to take shape before her eyes, as Arizona stood up and began to compose herself, the almost imperceptible nods of the head, the biting of the bottom lip, the short deep breath, these were classic Arizona 'tells'- like a sportsperson psyching himself up for one last attempt.

'And I should have said, I mean, Congratulations, I know how much you wanted to have a, a baby and'

'DON'T,DON'T, don't, Arizona' Callie pleaded as she reached out and grabbed Arizonas wrist tightly 'Don't pretend that it doesn't matter and that I'm just some friend who just told you she was pregnant, don't do that, Arizona!' As she spoke she pulled Arizona closer and whether it was from that force or some unknown force Arizona fell back into a seated position on the couch now facing Callie and Arizona gave in and rested her head on the back of the couch. Callie re-adjusted her position thus mirroring Arizona and they sat there, watching each other,as silence descended again.

'I'm sorry, Callie, I don't know what else to say, I know we were never friends as such and..well, I guess the hospital gossip is wrong for once, I'd heard that Lexie and Mark were back together again but I guess it was you and him...' she trailed off, with a vigourous shake of her head.

And then the mood in the air seemed to change suddenly from sadness to anger-

'You left ME! Arizona, you don't get to...'

'NO! No, just tell me the truth- were you sleeping with him when we were still together, tell me the TRUTH!' 'WHAT?, Arizona? What the..you know I..'

'No, I don't know anything anymore, were you or did you just resume where you guys had left off as soon as I was out of the way...had my plane even landed before you crawled back into his bed? Didn't take you long, did it? Or did you wait a respectable length of time..say 48 hours' she laughed bitterly.

Callie just sat back in stunned silence witnessing a level of anger, of uncontrolled fury from the blonde that, in its own way, matched the loss of control she had witnessed earlier but which that time had manifested itself with tears.

'Goddamn you,Callie- did you ever love me, ME? How could you decide to have a baby with Mark so quickly if I, if we had ever meant anything to you? How could you get over US so soon? How?'

And then the anger dropped away as if the intensity had burned away its oxygen-

' Do you love him, does he love you? Are you gonna get married before the baby comes? I- why didn't you tell me- on any one of those times I was trying to apologise, telling you how much I lo-love you' the anger replaced by despair 'Do you hate me that much, that you just got a kick out of me begging and pleading while all the time you were FUCKING Sloan'

And just like that the anger was back.

'And what was today about all about? Humiliate Blondie day? In front of the entire hospital just so they'll know just how stupid and pathetic I am. Mark pretending to give me advice on how to win you back...thats just mean and cruel and I don't deserve that..I know I fucked up and ruined everything but I didn't do it with intent and..

'SHUT the FUCK up, Arizona! Just SHUT up and listen!'

' Mark doesn't know..no-one knows ..just me and a couple of pink sticks. I'm not with Mark and he IS back with little Grey. I don't love him like that- I never have- you KNOW that- this wasn't planned, this wasn't meant to happen, it just did...I think it was that first time and..'

'Oh, great, how many times were there, Cal?'

'A few, 3 or 4, I..' 'Well which is it, 3 or 4 or more, was it so goddamn great that you can't remember?'

'No,no,no,no...you don't get to do this..you left me ,you ended US when you decided to go to Africa, I didn't get to decide..so NO..this isn't my fault..this is down to you..

'Oh, wow, now its my fault that you are pregnant? I know i'm awesome but even I can't get you pregnant all the way over in Malawi- even if I had what you appear to want the most- but nope I still don't come with a penis! So for once, just once stop being the victim and take responsibility for your own actions!'

And then it was over,the anger gone.. both women sat in silence once again, trying to digest how much they had hurt each other, not just in the last couple of months but throughout their relationship by not being honest and open with each other. How much they had hurt the other, been hurt by the other when all they felt was love. In the last few rage filled minutes accusations had filled the air but now both women remembered all the things they had begun to realise in the last 2 months,the last 2 hours.

When Arizona spoke again there was no yelling, no anger- just a soft spoken question-

'Damn, Callie- Why Mark? Half the men in Seattle would love to have you in their bed, and a lot of the women too! Why a man?'

'Why Mark? Because he was there and if its Mark it is nothing but sex, no complications- no emotion-no attachment. Because I needed someone to take the pain away,to feel that someone wanted me needed me cared enough to be there with me and Mark, well Mark was there and he is the only one that has never left me. And why a man? Because I don't think I could handle being close to a woman and it not being you.

'Mark was hard where you are soft, stubbly where you are silky smooth, rough where you are gentle, rushed where you are slow and even that didn't work, I mean, sure the sex was good with Mark' she felt rather than saw Arizona flinch at the words so rushed on 'but it just made me sad because it just made me think of the person I was trying to forget'. 'And after the first time I think thats when I truly understood the difference between sex and making love. Hell what you and I did 'making love' doesn't even begin to describe what we...but you weren't there...you left as if I meant nothing to you, you walked away and never looked back, you never even asked Teddy how I was doing'.

Callie swallowed back her tears as she continued 'And what I was doing was trying my best not to fall apart and if fucking Mark Sloan helped with that, well so be it. And now, its over, it was over before you got back and now, I'm pregnant, and I've lost my chance to be with you and I don't want to be pregnant, I mean I do but YOUR baby was the one I wanted not Marks and I'm so deeply sorry, Arizona, for my part in everything. I'm not taking all the blame but i'll take my share.. for Africagate (they both involuntarily giggled at the name), for not forgiving you sooner, for the way I treated you when you won the grant. I'm so sorry for not telling you how proud I was, how proud I am of you and most of all I am so so sorry that I can't fix this, fix us—and don't worry about "bailing" you won't be bailing because no-one would expect you to stay, not now'.

And that was it, maybe the most honest conversation she had had with her ex, but it was over,because there was nothing else Callie could say. And Arizona listened and heard and maybe only for the first time fully understood the pain she had inflicted in that airport.

'So you don't love Mark?' Callie shook her head in reply.

'Do you, could you love me again? the blonde asked in hope.

'Arizona, I don't know how to stop loving you!'

'Huh, me neither..I mean I cant stop loving you not that I cant stop loving myself cos that would just sound..' 'You're rambling' 'Oh yeah I do that when Im scared'

'When are you going to tell Mark'.

'I wish I didn't have to- I wish I could make this go away'.

'But you can't because you don't believe in...'. 'No. I can't.'

'So you're going to have a baby?' 'Yep, I'm going to have a baby.'

Silence.

'Wow, that is kinda awesome,ya know.' 'No, Arizona', Callie had to laugh at the classic Arazonism, 'Its not awesome, its scary ,terrifying and..'

'I LOVE YOU AND I WANT IN' Arizona blurted out and it was just like that moment in Malawi, she heard the words before she even realised that it was true.

'You do?' 'I, do.' Their words unconsciously mirroring their conversation on another significant night a long time ago.

'I love you too...BUT its not fair to you..it's too much...'

'IF YOU WANT ME IN, I WANT IN. And I don't have a clue how it will work and everything about this scares me but I didn't just promise you TEN kids I promised you ALL KINDS of kids and sure I never expected one of them to be a junior sloan but hey, thats kids for ya, full of surprises... and I love you and yes it will be Marks kid but it will be your kid too and I already love the part thats yours. I wish, I wish I could make you pregnant but I can't and at least with Marks DNA the baby will be cute and smart...and probably a bit of a slut...so we may have to keep him/her locked up for the next 35 years...'

And they both giggled at the absurdity of the words and to release the tension they both felt. They reached for each others hands and intertwined them loosely.

'You want to be with me for the next 35 years?'

'Well, duh, yeah, I mean, ya know , 3 strikes and your out and Well Babygate is 1, and Africagate is 2 so I'm not going anywhere till ...till Deathgate 3 and \i'm telling you now that I'm going first because I am not going to live without you ever again , I can't', Callie laughed 'Bailing again, huh'- 'yeah,well by then I hope to be 90 and I'll probably be arthritic so the Robbins method will be shot to hell so you won't miss me much'

'Do you really think we can do this' Callie injecting a mood of seriousness again 'I mean we have a lot of baggage, 2 serious breakups in under 8 months, trust issues by the suitcase full, and a baby isn't going to make it less stressful- I love you Arizona, so much, but-'

'Please Callie, Calliope- WE love each other so much, we do and – look at Derek and Meredith, from what you've told me they broke up more often than us and they are happy, and Cristina and Owen ..I mean he almost strangled her in her sleep and she's CRISTINA.. but they seem happy and look at my Mom and Dad-when he came back from his last tour in'Nam he was pretty screwed up but they got through it and they've survived the death of their only son and YOUR parents they have been together as long as mine so they must have had hard times too but they have survived so ...PLEASE please give us a chance-we can go to counselling and WE can do this, please.'

'Arizona, I want this too but, I mean, sure, I think we can get over my abandonment issues as I sort of realised tonight that I played my part in all those episodes and yeah, I think we can get over your fear that I will suddenly decide that being with a Man is what I want-because I know who ,what I am now- I'm not going to try to compete or match you in your 'Gold- Star Lesbian Awesomeness' because if I have to have a label then I'm not a lesbian' she feels another flinch 'I guess if I have to be labelled then its 'Bi Sexual' and I won't apologise for that, I won't but- I know what I want, who I love, you - it'll always be you, for as long as you are with me, you will be all that I need, all that I want, you will be enough and no one else, man or woman , will get a look in. WE can get over all that and a million other issues besides but I don't know if you can get over having Mark Sloan in our lives forever!'

' Why, WHY, will he be in our lives forever?' gulped Arizona.

' Cos he will want to be the Daddy- he won't be satisfied with anything less-not after missing out with Sloan Sloan and- I get it now, that our friendship wasn't healthy and that I should have set boundaries and everything you ever said that I didn't hear but now – he's going to be the Daddy, he'll have rights and a say in how the baby is raised and everything..and I'm not sure I can handle that so how can you be OK with having Mark entangled in our ,in your life forever...how can you be?

Arizona exhaled 'Its gonna be really really hard and I'll probably want to threaten him (and you) with a million bricks- but if you let me be a kind of Stepmom(not the evil witch kind) then we can do this-'

'No- if we don't end up killing this baby- then I'm going to want more- not with Mark- with you- so you don't get to be the stepmom-you have to be a Mom, Mommy. If she wants Lexie can be a stepmom or an aunt or whatever but you..'

' But Mark wont want me to be..' 'Then Mark can suck it up or I'll threaten to move home to Miami and everytime he wants to see the baby he can negotiate through my Dad!'

Silence.

'So does this mean that I'm your girlfriend again' 'Yes Arizona, you're my girlfriend'.

'Ok, ok then so you have to tell Mark tonight and..' ' No- not tonight-tonight I'm going home to my bed cos its been a long emotional day and all I want to do is crawl into my bed.'

'Ok, then you'll tell him tomorrow-' ' No tomorrow is my day off and right now my only plan is to stay in my bed all day!'

'Oh, cos I have tomorrow off too and I could get you an appointment with a good OBGYN and gat you a sonogram and..'

'ARIZONA, I want to sleep in MY bed cos cos Marks sofabed is killing my back!'

'Oh,oh,OH!

'Yeah but last I heard someone else was sleeping in my bed and what I really want to do is check this Goldilocks out and..'

'Are you gonna throw them out?' ' I don't know, I heard shes kinda cute!'

'Okay, lets go, Momma Bear!'

As they stood in the elevator, nearly 3 hours after they had last stood there together,leaning into each other, hands wrapped around each others waists, they knew it wasn't going to be easy- maybe tonight and tomorrow would be- but as soon as Mark knew and Lexie and the world-then it would be real.

Everyone would have an opinion...


	5. Chapter 5

By a mixture of luck and the lateness of the hour the couple did not bump into any close colleagues or friends as they made their way from the elevator, across the foyer of the hospital and into the cool night air. Of course they were noticed, they were always a couple that would be noticed; if one beautiful woman was likely to turn heads, then two guaranteed it. However with them it was as much the contrast between them that ensured attention, the one - tall, tanned and brunette; the other- slighter, pale and blonde. Their physical differences just seemed to compliment each other, to emphasise them as a couple.

Tonight, though, other factors existed to draw notice to them, they were both slightly dishevelled, and if one looked closely, evidence of the multitude of tears shed by both women in the previous few hours could be seen. However in the halls and foyer of SGMW tonight the one factor above all that ensured that they would be noticed was the mere fact that they were together, walking hand in hand. In a hospital notorious for co-worker hook-ups, break-ups and make-ups, few couples had attracted as much attention and interest as Dr. Callie Torres and Dr. Arizona Robbins.

It wasn't that they were a same sex couple, they certainly were not the first and wouldn't be the last gay couple in the hospital. It wasn't that they were the most surprising – no that accolade definitely went to the rather dour (some would say dull) shadow Shepherd and his now fiancée the unbearably chirpy Dr. Sydney Heron-really, really no-one had seen that one coming. No, nor were they the most promiscuous couple nor the most likely to be seen emerging from on-call rooms where sleep had not been on the agenda- no Mark Sloan plus A. would win both those. No, what had made the Torres- Robbins relationship the subject of such interest within the walls of the hospital was much simpler. They were liked; as individuals and as a couple, they were really, really liked.

Callie Torres had been in SG(pre- merger) since she was an intern. She had come to Seattle, knowing no-one, a rather shy young woman. She was not the easiest person to get to know and was nothing like the confident self-styled "Bad Ass Rockstar Surgeon" that she now was. Callie Torres had grown up within these walls and in the process had made many friends but even more admirers. Many more than she would have ever guessed, even now she never really believed the truth of Arizonas famous "the talk is good" speech. No, in the course of her years in the hospital,many people from fellow surgeons,to scrub nurses,to the porters and cleaning staff had met and interacted with the Latina and they got to see the real person beneath the bravado. They liked her and took an interest, they watched, as bystanders, as her love life took surprising turns, sometimes surprised at her choices other times confounded. They watched as she battled heartache and overcame it many times.

Arizona Robbins, by comparison, was a newborn in the hospital. It had been less than 3 years since she first wheelied her way through the hospital doors like a breath of fresh air. Dr. Robbins was easy to get to know, she had a winning smile and a happy perky attitude that seemed infectious. She was one of those people that others gravitated towards, one of those rare people who inspired others to be better. Men and women, gay and straight, all had crushed on Arizona Robbins, as often as not, platonically. People liked her but more importantly they desperately wanted her to like them. A smile or "a well done" from the blonde made many a colleagues day.

As well as being liked, however, both surgeons were highly respected; for their ability and talent as surgeons; for their work ethic; for their professionalism towards their colleagues and staff. So when it became clear that the two had more than just a professional relationship (this news spread faster than a forest fire) well the interest of the masses was well and truly piqued. And from the outside looking in, it seemed to be a whirlwind romance, a romance where both seemed equally besotted. Onlookers, saw an old fashioned love story and latched onto it-like a silver lining in a sky full of darkening clouds. Their romance seemed to thrive during some of the darker days of the hospital. Their story was a happy one amidst all the grief and pain one would expect to meet in the corridors of a hospital, a reminder of happier things when some of their own were struck down by illness like Izzie Stevens, by accident like poor George O'Malley. In the dark days of hospital cutbacks and the resulting merger the Torres-Robbins allegiance was a welcome pretty distraction. The newly arrived Mercy Westers got drawn into the saga almost immediately- of course they considered Torres as one of their own.

Yes, when the blonde and brunette sat smiling and joking in the Cafeteria or when they were spotted emerging giggling and somewhat "mussed" up from on-call rooms and supply closets no-one begrudged them their happiness-they were the golden couple-the couple who gave others hope. So when news broke that they had broken up-news that was written clear across Torres face-the hospital was stunned. The Paeds and Ortho Departments were besieged by people trying to get the inside scoop, rumours flew about the place, turned out that Robbins had a husband back in John Hopkins, Torres was sleeping with Karev, Robbins announced that she wasn't really gay and was only experimenting and many more. Torres was clearly devastated so based on this many believed the rumour that Robbins and Mark Sloan had been caught _in flagrante delicto_ by Torres; others noted that Robbins was as perky and upbeat as ever so assumed that the rumours about her and the cardio god, Altman, were true. Some had even heard a rumour that the breakup was caused by Robbins not wanting any little Robbins –Torres about but clearly that was nonsense as anyone who had ever seen her in the Paeds Ward playing with her patients would know.

And then, the darkest day of all; the day that death came raining down on SGMW in the form of a lunatic and a loaded gun. The dead reached double figures, the injured even more. So when the traumatised staff still lolling around spotted the two surgeons in a deep passionate embrace few begrudged them their happiness. From that point on the couple, unknown to themselves, had become, for many, many of their colleagues, the mascot for the future, the hope that out of the horror could emerge something positive something good, out of the past could emerge a better future.

And to the uninitiated it seemed that the couple were happier,closer,more loved up than ever. It was understood that they were living together and they both seemed more open than ever, certainly they were seldom seen together without there being intertwined hands and quick pecks on the cheek...they just seemed to scream "We're in love and we don't care who knows it". And then it happened...another breakup...and in an Airport. And the wider family of SGMW were stunned. It had seemed so romantic, the two heading off into the sunset to a new life in a new country to help others then BOOM! People who had loved and admired the couple from afar were devastated, it felt like a death in the family. Torres was back but merely a shadow of the person she used to be, Robbins was gone. And after the devastation,came anger. People who had barely known the couple, some who had never even spoke to either, all had opinions. When together the couple had been known as "Calzona" a combination of their first names-and it was appropriate-because just like Bennifer and Brangelina –Calzona had become THE celebrity couple of SGMW. Now the friends (fans?) began to take sides- were you Team Torres or Team Robbins? There were heated rows in the cafeteria when two paeds nurses defended Arizona for abandoning Callie in the airport, their friends accusing them of defending the indefensible. Some said that no matter what had gone on what Robbins did could not be forgiven, others said that Torres had been really bitchy to Arizona and had brought this on herself. Regardless of right or wrong, regardless of which side one took, the common mood was one of sadness- the aspirational couple were no more.

And then the blonde was back, Dr. Robbins returned unexpectedly. One minute she was in Malawi or Mongolia or wherever the hell she had gone the next she was screaming at Alex Karev to body block that moronic little man,Stark,in an OR. Yeah she was back and HOW! As if she had never been gone,she rode in on a white steed and saved the day and even those who shook their heads and wondered how the pleasant Doctor,the perky woman they had come to respect and love, could have dumped her lover in the middle of Sea-Tac, well they were happy that she was back..the only question was..what now for CALZONA?

It was clear that they were not yet reconciled-they had a couple of surgeries together where their professionalism shone through but clearly there was nothing more going on. It was said that during one surgery Robbins had started to apologise and Torres had told her to shut up,had banned her from speaking! Opinion was divided as to whether she should be forgiven some thinking that if they did get back together it would not be the same anyway, the golden veneer long since more reasoned said that it was no-ones business but their own. What was clear,however,was that both women were miserable. Torres had not been herself since the Airport-she was ratty to her staff, arrogant with some of her patients-but it was obvious to those who had been observing her over the years that she was really really sad. The Robbins who returned was not the one who left either, sure she was still perky and smiley, but close observers thought the smile was not quite there,not quite real. And those blue eyes, usually sparkling with laughter, now almost seemed to glint with tears. And something too was amiss,she was less patient,less open to others suggestions, even though she inevitably came back and righted any slights.

So when Callie and Arizona walked off that elevator,through the halls and entrance foyer of the hospital they did not encounter any of their close colleagues and friends. Mark and Lexie were in an OR, Teddy had a few days off, Derek and Meredith were at home in their frat house, Cristina was on a late shift in the Pit, Owen was there too. Karev was entertaining his medical student. However they were noticed and in the time honoured traditions of SGMW the news spread fast, they were back together, Callie and Arizona, Torres and Robbins, Calzona.

Yeah before they had left the confines of the hospital grounds the gossip had begun...


	6. Chapter 6

TITLE Moments of Clarity 6/?  
AUTHOR Neolithic Dream  
PAIRING Calzona, later some Mark/Lexie  
RATING PG?  
SUMMARY We all have significant moments in our lives, moments of clarity that shape our future. What happened in that elevator and the aftermath, somewhat introspective in the beginning. Starts with Callies' POV,will move to Arizonas' POV and eventually real communication. Spoiler up to ep.7.12 and (possibly by co-incidence only ep.7.13).  
DISCLAIMER I do not own Calzona or any of the characters mentioned in this fic. They are the property of Shonda Rhimes/ ABC etc.. This fic is purely written for enjoyment and without intent or prospect of profit. No copyright infringement intended.  
A/N This is my first attempt at any type of fiction writing ever never mind fan fiction. It may not be great but I had a surprising amount of fun writing it. Any comments welcome but go easy as I'm a newborn!

_Parts 1- 5 can be found at my journal cos I don't know how to do the link thing ;)_

As they walked the few short blocks to their apartment building both women knew that what had just transpired in the elevator and basement was momentous-the mere fact that they were walking to their apartment was proof of that- not hers or mine but theirs.

Arizona knew that she had made promises, irrevocable promises in that basement; vows that could not, must not ever be broken. She knew that they would test every fine quality she ever possessed and that they would be tested by every flaw she tried not to think about. She had made vows tonight as sacred and as solemn as if she were permitted to make them in a Church. Vows to be with Calliope forever, for better for worse; vows to be a mother to Calliopes baby. Vows, promises that were binding and the absence of paperwork and independent witnesses did nothing to change that.

Arizona knew what she had done and she knew why. She did it because she loved Calliope Iphegenia Torres, pure and simple, she could not live without her, did not want to countenance the thought and nothing, not even the thought of Mark Sloan could change that. There would be plenty of time to consider all of her other feelings; jealousy, insecurity, hatred(all bound up with Sloan),fear, terror(all bound up with the thought of a tiny baby arriving years ahead of schedule),inadequacy(was she 'mom' material) and doubt(could she do this ,would she 'bail'). However tonight love was what mattered.

As they walked into the elevator and pushed the button for the fifth floor, Callie Torres wondered if this was the moment that she would look back on in years to come. When asked by her grandchildren what was the best day of her life or the most important one this might be it. She used to think it might be that kiss in that bathroom in that bar or the night Arizona Robbins first told her she loved her. How to explain to the grandchildren that it was the day that started with her crying over a pink stick, crying because life had given her exactly what she wanted exactly how and when she didn't want it but that it was also the day that she got back the love of her life, the day they pledged their lives to each other.

One thing she did know was that right now she felt at peace. She had Arizona back and she knew that they had a chance, a real chance, a great chance to make it, to make it to 35 years and beyond. She knew that with Arizona by her side she could achieve almost anything. Her feelings towards her girlfriend were different now, she no longer felt in awe of her, inferior, the lesser in an unequal partnership. No- Arizona Robbins was a beautiful flawed human being just like her and they were in love, a love that had been tested and would continue to be tested, but it was love- and they were going to be Moms together Awesome, Rockstar Moms.

It wasn't until they arrived onto their floor walking towards those two blue doors bearing the numbers "501" and "502" that the nerves set in. As they approached "501" and Callie slowed to a halt, she could feel Arizona freeze beside her- " Ha-have you changed your mind about coming to, coming home?". "No, but I need to pick up some clothes and stuff, I'll just be a couple of minutes, you go on ahead." "I'll just wait here,if thats ok." Arizona just didn't want any distance between them not yet, not when they had just found each other again, not before they had even shared a kiss.

"You want to stay in the hallway- just come in and.." "I'm not ready to face Mark".

Callie nodded, not sure she was ready to do so either but when she opened the door it was clear that Mark was out so she hauled Arizona into the apartment with her. She too wanted to keep her close afraid to lose sight of her for fear that this might be a dream. Callie began to fill a bag with some clothes and toiletries from around the apartment. When she finished she noticed Arizona standing in the middle of the living area staring at the bedroom door and beyond. And she could tell,just by the look on her face, a face that seemed paler than it had moments earlier, exactly what was going through her mind.

"Arizona, don't.." "I ,when I close my eyes I see you ,you and M-m, him together and.."

"Please, baby , don't do this, lets go home and..", "Where did you do it, the bedroom, on the couch, the shower, did you...at the hospital?" "Arizona, stop, don't torture yourself, you don't need to know those details, lets go home like we said, please? I love you and you love me all that matters now is you and me, come home".

" I love you, this doesn't change that and I want to go home too, but if you tell me then I'll know and knowing can't be worse than what my imagination is doing so please..?". "Ok, I'll tell you everything you want to know, whatever you need to know but not tonight,ok, but just so you know whatever happened with Mark,it never left this apartment, nothing happened at the hospital." Callie thought she detected a tiny grin on her girlfriends face as she said "So our on-call room is..." "Yeah,its still OUR oncall room" and with that she took her bag and her girl by the hand and said "we're going home now".

Why were they so nervous? They were standing in their apartment like strangers, neither seemed brave enough to be the one to make a move, any move, towards the other or even away from the other to sit down. Eventually Arizona sighed " this is crazy, I just want to hold you and be close to you and I'm terrified", " Me too" but neither moved.

"If you want I can sleep in Cristinas old room and..." " NO! I mean please I don't want you to do that unless you don't want to...with me". " No ,I want to, its just. I'm nervous.." "Me,too.."

Eventually some of the nerves seemed to dissipate and Arizona made a decision- "Why don't you put your stuff away and I'll go have a shower and.. then you can shower and I'll order some food in, you must be hungry and then maybe we can go to bed and catch some sleep...you need to start looking after yourself.."

And so they did, and they realised that regardless of the big decisions made earlier in the basement they would still have to negotiate and navigate through all the little moments and re-learn how to be together again. When they finally relaxed a little over Pizza and sparkling water Callie tried to tell Arizona that really it was only fair that she abstain from all alcohol too. Arizona retorted that she doubted there would ever be a time in her life when she needed alcohol more than the next few months but she generously offered to abstain from red wine. As Callie had never seen her girlfriend drink red wine she didn't seem to appreciate the enormity of the sacrifice and so they passed the time, in easy conversation like before until it was time for bed.

They held hands as they entered the bedroom, but there seemed an unspoken understanding that tonight was too soon for anything more intimate than being in the others arms. They climbed into bed and faced each other, gently stroking the others face, placing gentle undemanding but loving kisses on willing and oh so soft lips, legs entangled, just happy to be this close to each other after the months apart. Eventually they ended up in a familiar position , Arizonas head tucked into the crook of Callies neck, Callies left arm wrapped around her waist, Arizona leaning into Callies body, right arm thrown loosely over Callies abdomen and to both women it felt like home.

Despite the emotional upheaval of this evening neither woman was tired, in a way they were energised by the closeness of each other and lying there, in the dark, all nervousness passed. Whether it was because of the dark or otherwise they suddenly seemed able to communicate again, they talked about what the immediate future would bring, about the pregnancy, about telling Mark, and the Torres family. Arizona giggled at the mild terror she could hear in her girlfriends voice at the thought of telling her father. "Poor Carlos, its not bad enough that his beloved daughter is shacking up with some flaky unreliable blonde lesbian, but now shes pregnant by her manwhore friend who is dating a child - who said being a parent was easy?", "Oh very funny Rollergirl! We'll see how brave you're feeling next time my Dad meets you, he may have a word or two for you on Airport etiquette! Yep, its gonna have to be some speech,Arizona!" "Just as well for you, then darling that my Dad,Ret. Colonel Daniel Robbins is such a pussy cat!" . Yeah they were happy to have a little breathing space before dealing with those hurdles. They talked and talked, but the talk was good and the talk was warm and the talk was loving and they finally fell asleep wrapped in each others arms, at home and at peace.

Waking up the next morning Arizona took a few moments to remember where she was and most importantly who was with her. She snuggled in closer to the gorgeous woman beside her as reality sank in, she was exactly where she was supposed to be and she realised that this was exactly how she wanted to wake up every morning for the rest of her life. Callie had been awake for some time watching her girlfriend sleep torn between the desire to watch her for a little longer or to wake her up so that she could just get her good morning kiss. Her good morning kiss which she had taken for granted last time, the morning of their departure to Malawi. She vowed to herself that she would never take anything for granted about Arizona again, not her morning kisses, not her super magic smiles, not the Robbins method of which Arizona was so proud and Callie was the happy beneficiary. No had she known that it was the last good morning kiss well then she would never have allowed that kiss to end. So when Arizona finally woke up Callie demanded her good morning kiss, a kiss that started off full of tenderness but soon became charged with so much more, both women poured all their love and desire into that kiss, as if it were the kiss to end kisses, the kiss to end days. And just as last night when it seemed not to be the time for intimacy, now the time had come for them to reconnect in that way, they had talked and there would be time and need for more talk in the future but right at that moment they both needed to be with each other again,to feel that intimacy,that closeness,that joy,that ecstacy,to experience once again what it meant to give themselves totally completely over to the other,in absolute trust and love.

Callie pulled away from Arizona, just long enough to gasp, "make sure the door is locked, no interruptions, not anymore" and was rewarded by the sight of a semi naked laughing Arizona bounding out of the bedroom, to lock the door of the apartment and the door of the bedroom just to be sure. They stayed in bed till noon, exploring each others bodies as if for the first time. Their love making was tender and slow, then frenzied and energetic. They battled for dominance and then yielded to each other, they screamed each others names in ecstasy as they brought each other to the edge and beyond time and time again. They made love, they fucked and made love again. Both women wanted to show the other how much they were loved, were needed, were wanted. The physical need for each other surpassed only by the almost meta-physical, spiritual, emotional need. When it was over the reunion felt complete, they had now re-united mentally physically and emotionally. Only now would they be strong enough to face the world.

"I love you, Arizona Robbins and one day I want to stand in front of our families and proclaim my love for you and call you my wife" gasped an exhausted but very sated brunette. " I hope that wasn't a proposal Calliope because I expect you to go down on bended knee and be at least partially clothed when you propose to me and by the way before you do my father will have to have "the talk" with you." They both laughed but they both also knew that the day would come, they were certain of it.

**MARK**

**C**allie hadn't made it home the night before and Mark Sloan could not have been happier about it. He had not seen much of her all that day, after her pretty harsh outburst at Blondie in the hallway that morning. He had heard she had been pretty much occupied by some newly weds and had been in surgery for a good part of the day. He had plans with Lexie that night, nothing special, just a few drinks at Joes but in the end both of them ended up in surgery working on a burn victim for hours.

He remembered how squeamish she used to be with burn victims- Lexie had come along way from that day when Robbins took her aside and told her to do her job or find someone else- yeah, Lexie would make a fine surgeon whatever her speciality-but he hoped it would be plastics. He always felt people didn't really take her seriously, the nickname Little Grey didn't help; she hated it and some seemed to think that her 'Lexipedia' skill was what got her by and ignored her surgical skill. He hadn't helped, or rather his relationship with her didn't help ,at least first time around. His reputation preceded him and somehow that coupled with her looking so young, even younger than she was, seemed to translate into people not taking her seriously. But he knew the real Lexie, underneath the perky facade and the sometimes rambling demeanour, Lexie was tough and serious about her career. Yeah she had the makings of a great surgeon. He saw it, but he knew he was biased, but he knew Bailey and strangely Robbins seemed to get it too. Robbins, well she reminded him a bit of Lexie actually, the perkiness, the rambling, the forthright honesty and as someone who had been on the receiving end of dressing downs from both women they shared that too. Yeah strip away the perk and you had a tough no-nonsense woman both times. Of course they both had hot boobs too, really hot boobs! It was ironic that both he and Callie had lost their women first time round over babies, Lexie wasn't ready to be a mom(or a grandmother) and Robbins didn't want to be one at all. Callie had got her back, then lost her again. It had taken him a lot longer to get Lexie back but he wasn't going to lose her a second time.

So yeah things were going well with Lexie and he wasn't going to mess things up again, which reminded him he needed to have a chat with Torres about the sorbet, well sorbets actually. If and when she and Rollergirl finally saw sense he really didn't see any point in either Lexie or Rollergirl knowing about their occasional nocturnal activities. Look they had both been single; Callie abandoned in the Airport of no return and Lexie had turned down his proposal twice. So they were consenting adults doing what consenting adults do, Callie and him well they were best friends for gods sake and no more. So they had done nothing wrong. They knew that it was just a casual physical thing and most importantly it was over. Most likely it would not happen again; well after she had got together with Robbins he would have bet against it ever being repeated but the circumstances were exceptional. I f your best friend comes to you, broken hearted, needing you,well you don't say no.

Lexie and Arizona, however, might not quite see it that way. Yeah, Mark knew he viewed sex differently to a lot of people, to him sex could just be a physical thing,without any emotional attachment. It was like Gods great gift to mankind, a great wonderful fun filled thing so he didn't take sex seriously in that sense although he took it very seriously as an activity. Yeah Mark was great at two things, surgery and sex; he had spent years honing his skills at both and took his performance and its impact on his companion very seriously. He knew others took sex way way way more seriously than that and in particular he reckoned Robbins might be one of those. So next time he got to see Callie he would tell her to stay schtum on the sorbets! Their women did not need to know-no muss no fuss!

Anyway hopefully Callie had seen sense and maybe now finally those two were going to get back on track. And if they had already well he was going to take the credit and why not? Had he not spent the entire day advising Robbins on how to win Torres back?

Sure he understood Callies attitude, she had been devastated when Blondie left her, all her old insecurities came rushing back, ironically all the insecurities that the blonde had seemed to banish seemingly for good. And with the insecurities some of the old habits too, he guessed he fell into that category. Yeah he saw a lot of similarities between his Lexie and Robbins and that included making better people of their partners. He knew that he had never been a better man than the time he spent with Lexie, even though she was much younger, she made him mature. She was the one that made him realise his desire to be a Dad, she was the one who made him feel like a grown up, made him want to be a grown up and when they ended he felt that his dreams had ended. So he knew,he understood what Callie had gone through. Robbins was her Lexie. Robbins completed her, he had watched as Callie seemed to bloom with the blonde by her side. Callie moved from the dark and twisty side of life towards bright and breezy. Happiness became her and with her personal life seemingly sorted her professional life just seemed to soar. Callie had always been a great surgeon but in the last 18 months everything seemed to come together. For all the concentration on Neuro and Cardio in SGMW he thought it was only a matter of time before the Ortho Dept and Callie were recognised beyond the Hospital, maybe even by the Harper Avery people. And Robbins,her love,the security she gave Torres,had played her part. She made Torres a better person just as Lexie did him.

And suddenly she was gone and how! Now he had seen it coming, he knew Callie didn't want to go but really its not like Robbins could have stayed! It was the Carter Madison for gods sake- the Nobel Prize,the Pulitzer, hell it made the Harper Avery look like a prize from a fairground stall. What he could not figure out was why the two of them could not have sorted it out, tried a long distance thing for a while. Hell they loved each other, a blind man could see that. They adored each other, surely 3 years, with multiple visits back and forth would have worked. And he had worried about Callie going, that she was giving up everything for the blonde; she said it was for love but he wondered whether it was just out of fear. But he would never have expected it to end the way it did. He knew the Blonde was tough,hell this was the Doctor who had put Bailey,BAILEY, in her place; the Doctor who cried before the Chief but still managed to throw him out of her OR! But what happened in that Airport, well that was cold, icy and no-one expected that from the sunny Paeds surgeon.

So he would back Callie all the way but he knew that at the end of the day Callie still loved Rollergirl and wanted nothing more than to be with her again. So he had been pleasantly surprised that she hadn't taken her back with open arms...nothing wrong with letting her stew for a while but this morning well,what was that about? And as he tried to tell Callie she was back,she had come back,left the clinic in Malawi and come back for her..and she didn't seem to care who knew it...so he thought it was time for Callie to lay down her weapons..

Truth is he was a bit worried about Blondie, she seemed at breaking point today. He liked her, a lot, and not just her Boobs! No, it was hard not to like Blondie and she was funny, she always gave as good as she got with him and she was tough when she needed to be but she could be kind too. Her and Callie had been his rock when Lexie broke up with him. They made a great threesome, in his opinion, NOT in that way although he wouldn't have any objections but Robbins would never agree. He knew she didn't really like him and he really didn't know why. He wanted her to like him,to respect him but they had made a move in the right direction recently before the breakup. Maybe it was because she was one woman who was impervious to his charms, maybe it was because of the similarities with Lexie but he liked Blondie and did not want to see her hurt either. She was like,what he imagined a sister might be like, a bossy sister. Today though she was not herself. The real Arizona, the one that went to Africa ,would not have put up with him listing her failings in front of Karev, but then the real Arizona would never have shot down an alternative surgical without considering it either. So for both their sake those two needed to kiss and make up- he knew it, hell the whole hospital knew it...


	7. Chapter 7

When they finally managed to tear themselves away from each other, ready to face the day it was just after 12.15. They had agreed that Arizona would attempt to get an early OBGYN appointment for Calliope with the Doctor she considered the best in the hospital. Callie had suggested that she just fly to Los Angeles and be seen by Addison but Arizona convinced her that, trust fund or no, it was important to have her OBGYN close at hand. Anyway Addison Forbes Montgomery, one of the top three OBGYNs in the USA, would make a mean second opinion. Knowing too the speed at which gossip travelled at the hospital (not as fast as the speed of light but definitely speedier than sound) they knew the time had come to break the news to the father to be.

They decided to go out to lunch to one of their old haunts (having worked up quite an appetite) and if the weather kept dry maybe go for a walk to their park afterwards. Callie texted Mark on route to the coffee shop telling him she needed to talk to him, on his own, this evening, say, sevenish. They had just ordered when she got a reply:

_No prob, off work at 6. But hate to burst your bubble, Torres, I already know! Way to go, rumour has it you and Blondie were doing the McNasty in the elevator last night. Can't wait to hear if Blondie benefitted from your recent refresher course on the Sloan method ; )_

If Callie had needed a reminder on why her friendship with Mark needed to change this was it. She stared at the text, frowned and stared again. Arizona reached across the table, seeing her unease, linked one finger in hers and said "Everything ok, baby?"

"Yeah, Marks free at 7 and..." "What's wrong?" "Nothing, it's just... people know about you and me being back together and..." "Wow, that's fast even for SGMW, but is that so bad, that people know, I mean, you're not ashamed of me..." Arizona tried to keep the insecurity out of her voice but there was just something about Calliope that shook her to her foundations sometimes.

"No, NO! I'd shout about US from the roof tops...no its just Mark being Mark" "Oh!"

"Look you can read it if you want, I'm not going to hide anything from you, not to do with Mark and..." "Do you want me to know what he said?" "Not really but..."

"Look, Calliope, I believe you when you tell me that you guys are over, for good this time. I believe you when you tell me that the way you and Mark are, that you will change that, that you will keep our life, our private life, well, private from now on. I believe you when you say that as much as possible...aside from the baby...Mark won't be ever present anymore. I need to believe that because I don't want to play second fiddle to Mark Sloan in my personal life anymore..."

"Arizona, you were never that.."

"Its how I felt, Cal, I always thought that, that I, we ,came second to your friendship with him but...

"Arizona.." "No, Calliope ,I need to say this, I need to finish this and then I won't say it again. I believe you when you tell me all that. And I know you mean it and I know you love me and I want to trust you but with everything that has happened, its hard, it's gonna take time for the trust to come. But the way to build that trust is not by me reading your texts, or bugging your phone conversations or stalking you at the hospital. I don't want to be that person, I don't want us to be THAT couple! So I'm going to trust you, I'm choosing to trust you and eventually it won't be a choice just a fact."

"I'm not sure I deserve you but I'm so glad I have you...and..." Calliope giggled as she lowered her voice to a husky whisper "the idea of you stalking me at the hospital is kinda hot!"

After lunch and a leisurely walk, holding hands,at the Park they made their way home.

"Arizona, I need to ask you a favour and.." "Yes,I'll do it!" "You don't know what it is yet and.."

"Oh,we both know I can't say no to you and your awesome boo.." "ARIZONA ROBBINS!" "Wha? Its true,especially now, I mean they are awesome but OMG! They're going to get bigger and I think I'll just die and be in heaven and.." "And I thought you loved me for my beautiful mind?" "Hey what can I say, I'm a breast girl!" They laughed and revelled in how easy it was, when it was just the two of them and how lucky they both were to have found their way back home."

"Arizona, will you come with me to Marks this evening?" Silence. "Arizona, please?"

Eventually the silence was broken. "Baby, this might be something you need to tell him on your own, me being there, might just make it harder and.." "I know you're right but I want, need you to be there by my side."

MARK

Callie knocked on my door just after 7. The knocking alone should have been enough to tell me something serious was up. That and her rather curt reply to my text earlier. I had been expecting her to tell me she was moving out; the absence of her belongings rendering that somewhat superfluous. I was ready to give her a friendly "are you sure you can trust her?" talk even though I was secretly thrilled for her, for both of them.

What I wasn't expecting was that Rollergirl would be with her, the two of them gripping each other tightly enough so that the whites of their knuckles were on show. That could only mean one thing –the Sorbet was out- and boy did the Blonde look pissed. I could tell even though she seemed to be avoiding looking at me directly, she looked like a coiled up rattlesnake ready to pounce. Uh-oh.

"Hey gals, want a drink, whites your tipple right,Bl..Arizona?"

"Mark, just sit down will you? We need to talk? Callie said stiffly, as both of them sat on the couch, knees touching, their grip on each other never loosening.

Jeez, lesbian drama, I thought, hot, very hot but way too much drama. Maybe they were both PMSing or something. Double the trouble.

And I don't know why I said it, I just wanted to lighten things up, maybe the gods were playing with me "Cal, you look like you're about to tell me that you got Blondie here knocked up and want me to be the Godfather to.."

"She's not the one who's knocked up, Mark" Callie said quietly but with steel in her voice. Arizona just shot me a look of pure venom that would fell a lesser man and then stared at the floor.

"I, what,you're,I ..Oh my god, OH MY GOD!"

I think I sat there for at least a minute, mouth wide open before a single coherent thought entered my brain. And then it happened, just in that moment the fog cleared. I was going to be a DAD, a father, I, we were going to have a baby. And I knew that this was my chance, maybe my last chance, my chance to grow up, to be a man, a real grown up adult man with responsibilities. I was going to be a Dad, I was going to have a baby, a son or a daughter and this time I was going to do it right. I will always regret not being there for Sloane, sure I mean ,I hadn't known about her but I missed out; she missed out. And having her back in my life was just the greatest pleasure even if well we were working on being a father and a daughter but.. No, this time I would be there and I would do the right thing and..

Damn, Lexie, I mean she didn't want to hang round last time and she'll bolt again and Blondie must be half way back to Malawi again... except she wasn't... she was sitting on my couch being held in a death grip by Callie and..

Thats when I remembered that they were there. Wow I was going to have a baby with my best friend and... her girlfriend and my girlfriend were..? All I knew in that moment that I had to do the right thing for my baby whatever that was so I just said it out loud

"Okay, ok, I want to do the right thing here for the baby, for you Cal. Do you want to get married Callie, I mean, do you want to mar...will you marry me, Callie? Okay not the most romantic proposal ever or the most expected judging by the look of shock(and something not quite definable) in Callies eyes.

"JEE-SUS, seriously,Mark? Do you even see me here? I thought at least with your junk this baby would have"smarts" but right now I'm beginning to see where Sloane Sloan got hers from!" snapped an apoplectic Arizona. So I reacted in kind-" Look Blondie, I'm trying to do the right thing here so shut the fuck up, why are you even here, this has nothing NOTHING to do with you so BUTT the hell out of OUR business..."

And honestly looking back thats when I think she saved my life! I hadn't stopped speaking when Callie sprang towards me like a Cobra with a look that said I am going to kill you and hey, Callies ortho and she's strong and can snap bones! And Arizona had to physically restrain her and just said "Don't Calliope, don't, its ok its ok please don't, just sit down its okay".

"Damn it, MARK, her name is Arizona or Dr. Robbins to you, not Blondie,not Rollergirl or anything else. You treat her with respect because she is my woman, MY girlfriend and I love her and she is..,will be the mother of this baby and if you want anything to do with my,this baby,you will treat Arizona with respect"

"The right thing to do, the responsible mature adult best friend thing to do, would have been to keep your damn penis away from MY girlfriend!" Arizona said quietly with a firm nod and a pointed look.

We were all sitting down again at this point and silence descended. Arizona and I stared at each other for what seemed an age and eventually I nodded, acknowledging the undeniable truth of what she had said. It all seemed so clear now I could have, should have said no, I could have just held Callie in my arms when she asked for that sorbet and said that she would find her own sorbet when the time was right. Sometimes sex is just sex and sometimes there are consequences.

"Are you going to hang around this time? I asked her. She nodded furiously and said " Wild Horses wont drag me away from Calliope again and nothing you can say or do will change that."

"I'm sorry, sorry about all of this" and then I looked at Callie "but I'm not sorry I'm going to be a Dad and I'm going to be a proper Dad, I'm going to play a full role in this Babys life" making it clear that I would not be shunted aside. Then to lighten things up " hey,this is going to be one hell of a lucky kid, the envy of all the others in the playground, he/she is gonna have one very sexy Dad and two hot, hot Mommas!" For the first time since she came in Bl..I mean Arizona seemed to relax a little sighing in what seemed to be relief.

"Mark if you try anything to stop Arizona having a full role, being a Mom, I swear I'll.." "Gee Cal, thanks! This is me, Mark, your best friend,when did I turn into the bad guy the monster here?" It hurt.

The tension eased considerably and Cal smiled and said "No Mark, you're not my best friend, Arizona is, she always has been I just didn't always know it. Bu-ut you make a damn fine second-in command". I just about noticed Arizona lightly squeeze her hand,. Yeah those two would be fine, it was me and my manhood I had to worry about.

Arizona stood up and said "You guys have a lot to talk about and.." "No,stay please don't go" begged Callie tightening her grip once more. "No, you stay and talk and when you're done I'll be at home waiting for you, I love you" and I watched as she gave Callie what might just have been the sweetest most loving most gentle smile I have ever witnessed between two adults and she bent down and lightly kissed her on the bridge of her nose.

She turned to me and said "Mark I got Callie an appointment for 11 tomorrow with Dr. Adams,the OBGYN and a sonogram. I'll be there, but obviously you have a greater right to be there if.."

"I'll be there" and I reached out to touch her elbow in a gesture of I don't know friendship and thanks but she flinched. "I'm sorry Mark I'm trying really trying here but you and I we have a long road to travel to get.." "Ok",I said "but we will get there because you and I are going to be parents." We both nodded.

She was at the door when I said to her "Arizona, what am I going to say to Lexie? I have to tell her before she hears that I'm with an OBGYN and..". "Marks I can't tell y.."

"Yes ,you can, you're the great speechmaker- how do I get her to stay? What convinced you?

"Look, just tell her, tell her the truth and tell her that you will take whatever she is prepared to give, don't pressure her but tell her how you feel and , and if she wants to talk to me about it, well she can. But tell her too that if she upsets Callie, well tell her my Dads a marine and he taught me how to kill just using my thumb and index finger!" and she gave me a brief smile and walked out.

"You,ok,Mark?" "Yeah,you?" "Yeah, I'm a bit freaked out by this but Arizona's been amazing and.."

"You're lucky, you know that right? That she's still here that she wants to do this.."

" Mark ,I know and I meant it, about her being the Mom, a Mom, she's not just a stepmom or Mommy's girlfriend!"

"What if, ya know after the baby comes and bonds with her, what if she bails again?" "She won't, I,I have to ,I choose to trust her and she's the ONE, Mark, she's my "Good Man in a Storm"

"oh and Mark, you might want to get on her good side cos my Dad's gonna want to kill you, and Lexie will want to maim you and Arizonas dad knows HOW to kill you and Arizona, well, she's the only one with the moves to protect you!"

We talked some more just in vague terms about how this might work and then we agreed to meet at the OBGYNs. I had to go and find Lexie and try to save our relationship somehow so we said goodnight and I told her to go home and tell Robbins she loved her.

ARIZONA

The next day and I was preparing myself for meeting Ca...our baby for the first time even if he/she/it was no bigger than a peanut when I saw Lexie striding purposefully towards me. I put on one of my trademark smiles and breezily began "Little Grey, hey.." "Hey,yourself, you gotta minute" and before I had a chance to reply she was dragging me towards an on call room much to the surprise of my intern and one of my scrub nurses. I swear I heard my nurse say "I thought she wanted back with Torres? " and I know I heard the intern say " What, which team does Dr. Grey play for exactly?". Oh well more grist for the rumour mill.

" How can you stand it, how can you trust her, them..and now they're gonna have a baby and ohmigod what if they have twinsorTRIPLETSohmigodohmi.." "Breathe,Lexie,take a deep breath, good girl and now another one..Okay?"

"Look this is not the way I would have planned starting a family with Callie, EVER. And if I had planned it, well Mark definitely wouldn't be Daddy and Baby wouldn't be here at all for a couple of years yet so yeah, Curve ball,much? But I love her and I've tried to live without her,twice and I can't.. and I do trust her or I will and well,ya know they didn't cheat on us,it wasn't cheating and" gee I silently thought listen to me the voice of reason when I really want to bury Sloan "they weren't with us and in my case thats my fault. I won't lie to you,Lex, it would make my life a whole lot easier if you were to stay with Mark, single Mark is a lot harder for me to cope with BUT you have to decide..do you love him enough to stay..to try? I'm going to be a Mom, thats my choice..

"I'm not ready to be a Mom,I'M NOT! "Well you could be a stepmom one day or awesome Aunt Lexie or Daddys cute girlfriend or.."

"You think I'm cute?" "Seriously,Lexie,thats what you got from all of that?

"well, no, not just that but ya know you are hot and GAY! She had the good grace to laugh and I laughed too. "Yup,on a scale of one to gay,I'm definitely gay!" "And Callie- what is she now?"

I exhaled " well she is apparently,or so she tells me now, she is Bi...so Yup this baby is going for the full house or is it a royal flush? One straight parent,one bisexual,one lesbian! Now all it needs is a transgender godparent and a gay godparent and sorted. I don't suppose you want to tell me that you're a man trapped in a cute womans body? "Noo, but I've often wondered about Cristina between you and me and Joe could be your final godparent,and he could double up as bartender too!". Well at least we're both laughing now.

"Look lexie, you don't have to make a final decision now,you have time,if you need it. Maybe give it a try and see how you feel once the baby arrives and.."

"Is that what you're doing?" "No",I shook my head, "I'm all in – decision made- and I'm terrified and petrified and maybe a little excited too and..Crap,its nearly 11,if I'm late Callie will start panicking and I gotta go, see ya round Lexie.

And with that it was time to get my wheelies out.


	8. Chapter 8

TITLE Moments of Clarity 8/9  
AUTHOR Neolithic Dream  
PAIRING Calzona, some Mark/Lexie  
RATING PG13  
SUMMARY We all have significant moments in our lives, moments of clarity that shape our future. What happened in that elevator and the aftermath, somewhat introspective in the beginning. Starts with Callies' POV,will move to Arizonas' POV and eventually real communication. Spoiler up to ep.7.12 and (possibly by co-incidence only ep.7.13).  
DISCLAIMER I do not own Calzona or any of the characters mentioned in this fic. They are the property of Shonda Rhimes/ ABC etc.. This fic is purely written for enjoyment and without intent or prospect of profit. No copyright infringement intended.  
A/N This is my first attempt at any type of fiction writing ever never mind fan fiction. It may not be great but I had a surprising amount of fun writing it. Any comments welcome but go easy as I'm a newb

_Parts 1- 7 can be found at my journal cos I don't know how to do the link thing ;)_

_Voiceover- As Doctors we ask our patients to make informed decisions about surgical procedures based on all the possible consequences we have outlined to them. As people we try to make informed decisions about our own lives based on all the possible consequences we can foresee. Despite our best efforts we do not always anticipate every possible consequence.._

Callie could not find a single position that was in anyway conducive to sleep. Then again how could someone the size of a beached whale be expected to sleep in a human sized bed? She was tired, from lack of sleep and from being pregnant. She just wanted it to be over; how in Gods name and why, would anyone put themselves through this more than once.

It was the first thing her mother had said, after she stopped crying. "Mija, you will become the size of a small house, it is in the genes". Sanchez/Torres women, apparently, did not do sexy petite barely-there baby bumps. Her father had, once he stopped yelling, become quite the comedian too, telling her that during both of her mothers pregnancies she had required a "turning circle" which would have made the Titanic blush! She had hoped they were joking but no, Callie, was one of those pregnant women whose size inspired open-mouthed stares from complete strangers. And it wasn't as if she was eating for two. She had never eaten so healthily in her life: Arizona had become a healthy food Nazi for the duration. Alcohol was out obviously but take home Pizza was also on the banned substance list, along with her favourite (unpasteurised) cheeses and every item on her famous breakfast menus; the bacon, the pancakes and the French toast. And oh unconfined joy (not!) in came granola and steamed vegetables, grilled skinless chicken and brown rice. It was a measure of how bad things got that Arizona had taken to insisting that they have turkey sandwiches for lunch-SANDWICHES! No the only one who benefitted from Callies "new dimensions" was Arizona, who true to her word did indeed behave as if she had died and gone to heaven as Callies breasts seemed to grow exponentially.

It was mid-July, she was eight and a half months pregnant, the size of an R.V and to cap it all Seattle was having one of its hottest summers on record. And she couldn't sleep. So Callies thoughts drifted to the events of the last seven and a bit months since the day she peed on a stick which, two agonisingly long minutes later, turned pink.

They had known it wasn't going to be easy, they had known, as they left the basement, arms draped around shoulders and waists, that it would be hard. Had they known just how hard on occasion would they still have made the same decisions, would Arizona have?

Firstly they had to tell people. Mark was the first to be informed and after a wobbly start had seemed to accept the news positively and inclusively of Arizona. Still, there had been an undefinable but definite shift in their friendship from that day on. She had promised Arizona that things would change and she and Mark had set boundaries regarding their day to day physical interaction. There would be knocking on (and locking of) doors now. There would be no teasing, public or private, of Arizona, relating to Mark and Callies previous horizontal activities. Mark and Callie would each give priority to their partners on their limited downtime. She had not foreseen that their friendship, a friendship which had seen her through some of her most difficult times, would cool appreciably. Gone was the relaxed easy banter which had been their hallmark, replaced by an ever present awareness of not breaching the new rules but more seriously was what festered underneath the surface; a mild yet very real mutual resentment that they were experiencing the miracle of parenthood together instead of with their chosen partners. Callie, too, felt guilty, about the state of his relationship with Lexie Grey. Maybe too, the knowledge of impending parenthood and the responsibility that would necessarily come with it, had made both simply grow up and apart. The friendship still existed but it was not the same. Callie mourned the loss while simultaneously being relieved by it.

Arizona knew too that Callie and Mark had changed towards each other. Initially it caused her heart to flutter every time that Callie gave them priority, gave her priority over Mark. She had waited a long time to feel that she was indeed Callies No.1 priority and it gladdened her heart. However, regardless of her personal feelings towards Mark, she loved her girlfriend too much to enjoy for long anything that caused her pain. She knew how important Mark had been as a friend; she knew Mark had helped through the darkest days of O'Malley and Hahn; she knew that his importance as a friend far outweighed any other aspect of the relationship; she knew he had been important long before she had even arrived in Seattle. And, illogical or not, she felt guilty, yet another way that she had managed to hurt that what she had loved, did love, the most.

Lexie Grey was the next to be informed. Mark had told her and then gave her the breathing space she demanded. Lexie loved Mark but Lexie discovered that she was tougher than she knew. She had survived their first breakup. She had survived worse: the sudden death of her beloved mother, the slow disintegration of her adored Dad from hero to a shambling alcoholic and the discovery of a new (and initially very frosty) sister in Meredith. She had survived the shooting too. So she knew, once the initial shock had worn off, that she could do this, be with Mark and find her own role, define it if necessary in this oh so modern family with her boyfriend, his friend, her lover and their baby. She just didn't know if she wanted to do it.

She and Arizona had grown close, initially due to the similarity of their circumstances but ultimately due to the many similarities of their personalities. Both understood, had been intimate with the pain of loss but both chose optimism over despair. Both understood the power of the perky but could relate to the dark and twisty too. In her career Arizona had become a mentor, in her personal life Arizona had become her friend.

Within their circle of friends in the hospital the Seattle Grace grapevine obviated the need for formal disclosure for the most part. Lexie had told Meredith, which meant Derek and Cristina knew. Cristina told Owen. April,Avery and Karev all lived in the frat house so they knew and the rest as they say was history.

There were surprising reactions. Meredith, trying so hard to conceive herself, took it as a personal insult that Callie could be pregnant without trying, by accident, when she could not get pregnant by design. She knew it was illogical but nonetheless it pushed her firmly into Team Robbins. Yes even though the girls themselves had reunited the so called Team Calzona not so much. People were wary of allowing themselves get caught up in that romance again. Some who had been Team Torres changed allegiances when the news broke and vice versa. Some could not believe that one who had appreciated the awesomeness of an Arizona could have ever reverted to a Mark Sloan and therefore could not possibly deserve an Arizona again. Others said that no man would raise anothers child in these circumstances so why should Arizona? Others said that Callie should not trust Arizona again and was setting herself up for another heartbreak.

Cristina, who would never admit to it, had been as loyal a friend to Callie as Mark had been, just without the sorbet, so she was Team Torres. Derek, who knew what it was like to lose a partner to the charms of Mark Sloan, had always liked Arizona. He admired her abilities but even more so her dedication and generosity to her patients. He had been extremely flattered when the likeable blonde had earned the nickname "McDreamy 2.0". So while he liked Torres he felt he knew a little of what Arizona might be feeling and so was Team Robbins.

Owen had always liked both women but when it came to the crunch Cristina was boss so Team Torres it would be. April Kepner was too much of a romantic too take sides having stayed firmly on Team Calzona throughout. Karev, well, not that he'd admit it either but Arizona Robbins had changed his life. She showed him that Paeds could be hardcore,that he could be awesome. She was his boss, she was unbelievably hard on him at times. She was his mentor, his friend, in truth, his idol. He would walk on hot coals for that woman not that anyone would ever guess. So Team Robbins!

None of this was overt and the women themselves were as oblivious to the separate camps as to Calzona in the first place. They knew they were the subject of gossip and lots of it and hated it. They also knew their friends supported them both if not always equally. Arizona was touched by the many people who had congratulated her but also offered support to her. She knew she was the late arrival to this party, most of her, their friends started off as Callies friends and after her behaviour at Sea-tac well she had not expected (or felt she deserved) much support.

Some people like Teddy and Bailey had to actually be told: Teddy as she had been away when the news broke, Bailey as she didn't do gossip. Teddy wanted nothing more than to have her aspirational couple back. She was a romantic soul and as a Cardio God wondered if her own poor heart would survive if the couple hit splitsville again. On balance she thought it would not.

Baileys reaction was a bit perplexing to both women. They bumped into her in the Attendings lounge and told her. She was silent for a moment, then stood up, hands on hips - "well, so what you're saying is YOU got yourself knocked up by the manwhore and you, YOU finally figured out that kids were for keeps not just for the hospital and now the TWO of you are going to play happy families. Yes?" They nodded nervously." Well its about goddamn time you two saw sense, messing with other peoples feelings like that, letting us down, making us choose sides and such nonsense, Team Torres and Team Robbins huh...Let me tell you I don't do gossip and I don't want to know your business don't be telling me your business but you two are MFEO and don't ever forget it . I was Team Calzona all the way, never changed, now don't you go proving Bailey wrong! CALZONA 4eva!" and with that she walked out leaving two utterly bewildered surgeons in her wake.

"Team Torres and Team Robbins, what was that all about,Callie?" "No idea, she lost me when she mentioned the Pizza, I want Pizza!" "No pizza, but I have a turkey sandwich in my locker, will that do, babe?"

There were other friends too most notably Arizonas "golden circle". Arizona had been oblivious to any undercurrents, she had adored Calliope so assumed her friends did too. So when they broke the news a few months in, when they had gone out together, the 6 of them, well the atmosphere around the table turned chillier than the March air outside. "You can not be serious Arizona-she sleeps with guys and now shes pregnant by one and you are hanging around?"/"You are off saving the children, she sleeps with her ex and you're the one left holding the baby"/ "Well Callie you sure do have our Arizona whipped!" Callie didn't even get a chance to reply. Arizona stood up grabbed Callies hand and walked away without a single word to her 4 friends. She didn't say anything on the way home either, as she deleted 4 numbers from her phone. She didn't say a single word until lying in the dark snuggled up to Callies -"I choose you, I'll always choose you and anyone who disrespects my choice, who disrespects you cannot be my friend." Arizona had refused to take their calls, or to see them when they turned up at the apartment and in the end it was Callie who mediated the ceasefire earning considerable respect along the way.

Friends, colleagues were one thing - family was quite another. Before the breakup Arizona was quietly being accepted by the Torres family. Her "good man in a storm" speech had impressed and not just for its content. As the father of two beautiful daughters and founder and CEO of a Fortune 500 business he had encountered suitors, businessmen and politicians of all shapes and sizes over many years. Few had failed to be intimidated by him; fewer still had the temerity to stand up to him and point out to him the error of his ways. He had not expected that one of the few would be a pretty petite blonde doctor with wheels on her shoes. Carlos Torres considered himself a very good judge of character. He was also known for his meticulous research. His judgement and his research, by private detective(into every aspect of Arizonas life) led him to conclude that, had she been a man, Dr. Arizona Robbins was exactly the partner he would choose for his beloved daughter; honourable, strong, successful, loyal and true. When she left his daughter standing alone in an Airport he was extremely angry, but also felt conned, and strangely a little bereft.

Callie decided to tell her family that she was back with Arizona first and to let the other bombshell wait awhile. The first news did not go down well. When Carlos turned up unexpectedly at the nurses station in Paeds Arizona turned a whiter shade of pale. She had once before hoped that her gender would prevent Carlos Torres throwing her up against a wall; after everything she was not sure that would protect her this time. There was going to be a scene and she couldn't even bring him to her office because it was Starks office now! "Dr. Robbins, you and I need to have a conversat..," Before anymore could be said Stark appeared and said "Robbins, when you work for me, I expect you to work. Do your socialising on your own time. You've missed enough time playing Happy Mommies with your...Girlfriend." the disdain dripping from his voice. Yes, as if it were not enough that he was unprofessional, lazy and incompetent Stark was also a misogynist and a bigot. His intense dislike for his blonde subordinate causing him to be even more unpleasant than usual. "Dr. Stark, my shift actually finished two hours ago" a large fake smile plastered on her face, as she hoped against hope that Carlos would somehow not pick up on the "Mommies" jibe.

"Mr. Torres, perhaps we can go somewhere a little more private?" "Indeed, and while we do, perhaps you can tell me the identity of that gentleman?" Arizona led him to the Paeds on call room, only realising once there that bringing Calliopes Dad to THEIR on call room might be slightly inappropriate. "That was Dr. Stark, my boss, Head of Paeds"

"And are you not Head of Paeds?" "I was, uhm, before" oh crap she thought "before now.."she rushed out almost in the hope that the faster she spoke the faster this moment, trapped in an on call room with an irate pass. "I see. Your boss seems to be displeased by the quality of your work" Arizona could not help but bristle at the suggestion that the idiot Doctor could judge her work. "Should I conclude from this that you are as unreliable in your professional life as in your personal life?" "Sir, I am not unreliable in my professional life, Doctor Starks' issues with me lie elsewhere" " Then do you accept that you are unreliable in your personal life?" "I, Sir, I want to apol.." "You lied to me Dr. Robbins.." "No,sir..I" " YOU told me you loved my daughter" "I did,I mean I DO" "YOU told me you would protect her, YOU told me that you would be a GOOD MAN IN A STORM!" Carlos' voice remained steady and calm but to Arizona it seemed that each emphasised word was like a knife through her heart. She could not deny the truth of his words. "When YOU abandoned my Calliope in an airport was that LOVE, PROTECTION? Or was that cowardice, DOCTOR Robbins? Is that who your Marine father raised you to be ? You let my daughter down, you let me down, you let your parents down and I think most of all, Dr. Robbins you let yourself down."

" Yes sir" Arizona stood ramrod straight like a soldier being disciplined by a superior but with tears flowing uncontrolled down her face " Everything you said is true, except that I did not lie to you when I said those things, I meant every word, sir, but I let everyone down especially Calliope". "And now you are back in her life, can you see why that would concern me? "Yes Sir" "so, I am waiting for your explanation, your rousing speech to allay all my concerns" Silence. "Dr. Robbins?"

Carlos knew that he had gone in hard, he had used these tactics many times in business and watched as hardened tough businessmen crumbled before him. He needed to do this, to test her mettle, to see if he had been wrong in his original judgement or whether recent events were an aberration.

" Sir, I have no speech or rousing words. I love her,sir,I love her so so much and I hurt her,really hurt her.I never thought I would do that,that I could do that but I did. And I can't change what I did. At the time I told myself that I was doing it for her, that she didn't really want to goto Africa and she didn't. But I told myself also that she didn't really want to be with me, but she did and I was wrong. I was wrong and stupid and I made a horrible mistake. And I came back because I love her and to make it right. And somethings I can't make right because sometimes there are consequences that we can't,don't foresee. But I love her sir and she..she loves me sir and she has forgiven, is forgiving me and we are seeing a counsellor and..."

"Doct- Arizona" he had heard enough, seen enough to know that this woman would fulfil her promise to be a good man in a storm.

"No,Sir, I can't promise that I will never let her down again. But I promise you that I will spend the rest of my life trying to be worthy of her, if she wants me...and I don't expect your or your family's blessing now but I hope one day it may be forthcoming. If not then I will be disappointed but ultimately the only persons consent I need to keep loving your daughter is your daughters"

"Well after all that it would be very poor manners not to buy you a coffee or maybe you would do me the honour of joining me for a drink, I believe I have heard Calliope mention an establishment close by, Joes I think"

And because Carlos Torres really was not a man who took no for an answer Arizona found herself sipping a very fine single malt whiskey(Joes finest) with her girlfriends father in no time at all. She tried to page Calliope to give her some warning. Callie was now three months pregnant and unless cleverly disguised had already a discernible bump. A bump that Arizona had come to adore almost as much as her breasts, not that she was quite ready to admit to that just yet. But Callie was in surgery and likely to remain so for several hours so it was just her and Carlos.

"So, Arizona, I take it will not be necessary to give you the "talk"." No sir I am so sor.."

"Enough, mija, I did not trust my daughters judgement at first, I could not understand how she could suddenly sleep with a wo..with you when all her life she had liked boys, I too made a terrible mistake when I disowned her, made her mother and sister do likewise. Callie has forgiven me, her mother and sister are trying to forgive me..I am still in the doghouse a little as it were. I would like your forgiveness, for my actions back then.I know they impacted on you too and I am deeply ashamed and I too love my daughter and I protect her and I too never expected to hurt her. So we have that in common. ."

"Sir, its Arizona" "Carlos"

Arizona breathed a sigh of relief, it was short lived...


	9. Chapter 9

_Thanks all for reading and your comments. The end has arrived, hope you like it._

Arizona breathed a sigh of relief, it was short lived...

"So is Dr. Stark always an insufferable little man or was today a special event?" "No, today was pretty average" " And does he make a habit of making disparaging remarks about my daughter and her girlfriend?" " He is an unpleasant man but I,we, have heard worse..it can come with the territory.." "It must be particularly difficult if the man is your boss; it must be difficult to go from being Head of Paeds to working under such a man, to go from running one's own clinic in Malawi to working under such a man" "Yes but no, it's okay, she's more than worth it"

"One day I would like to hear all about the clinic in Malawi, I understand you retain an involvement but not today. Today you will explain that little mans rather curious turn of phrase – 'playing Happy Mommies' - was it?"

Oh crap,crap,crap. Think Arizona, think. It's not your place to tell him and you can't lie either.

"Are you pregnant, Arizona? "Sir, I think this is a conversation for which Calli.." "IS my daughter pregnant? Are you trying to become mothers?" "Carlos, I.." "I see, I will be at the Archfield ,my suite, all evening, I expect to see you both!"

_Neither Arizona nor Callie ever discovered that after Carlos left Joes he returned to the Paeds department and to Doctor Stark's office. _ _"Dr. Stark, my name is Carlos Torres, you may call me Mr. Torres. There are only three things you need to know about me. (1) I am an extremely wealthy man with access to some of the finest and most expensive attorneys in this country (2) My daughter is Dr. Calliope Torres and her partner is Dr. Arizona Robbins and I love them both. (3)I protect the things I love._

_Oh actually there is a fourth thing you should know. If it ever comes to my attention that you have spoken as much as one inappropriate negative word about, or engaged in any vindictive behaviour towards either Arizona or my daughter ever again I will ensure that you will be tied up in litigation until the end of your career. Good day, Doctor"._

"Are you sure you are ok? Cos he had no right, no right showing up at your place of work and, I'm going to kill him and you must be so tired of having to deal with me and my stupid family and..." "Calliope, relax, dealing with you and your stupid family is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I will never tire of it, or you!

"Oh god my Dad is going to kill me and..Stupid Stark..I hate that man" " Not as much as I do! And your Dad won't kill you, me maybe, Mark probably"

" Mark, we should have brought him with us and then my Dads fury could have been unleashed on him instead and.." "As much as I like the sound of that, we're here now so relax, think of the baby and don't get angry"

Carlos had already told Maria of his suspicions. He also told her that he believed Arizona was deeply sorry, confused as to why she did what she did, loved their daughter immensely and would be a fine addition to the family_. _When they arrived at the suite Carlos gave Arizona a warm embrace and then stared at his daughter. "Mija, do you have something to tell me, am I going to be sleeping with a grandmother soon?" The tone of his voice was enough to make Callie realise that it was going to be Okay. " Daddy, I..."

"You are going to make your mother very happy. Please do not take this as a criticism of either of you, but when did you two decide to do this, it is a little soon ,and you have just got back together and.. when will we be expecting to meet our grandchild" "Daddy, I am just over 3 months" " but Arizona is only back from Africa, what, 2 months: how, what did you do? Did YOU cheat on Arizona? "No I.." "Wait you are pregnant, you slept with a man? So now you are straight? What about Arizona...how could you.."

" Papa, Daddy stop worrying about Arizona! "Well someone has too!"

Arizona could only watch bemused as Carlos defended her honour and wondered how she could go from fearing for her safety this morning to this moment, the moment when she realised that she was going to be a part of this crazy emotional loving Torres family and that she couldn't wait. Yes, Arizona fell a little in love with Carlos Torres at that moment. After Carlos stopped yelling and Callie stopped yelling and the entire story was told Carlos made Callie phone her mother; that was a long call, conducted mainly in Spanish although the tears were bi-lingual.

Carlos had in the interim handed a very large glass of single malt whiskey (the Archfields finest) to Arizona and said " Are you sure, this is a lot to ask of anyone, I love my daughter but sometimes she..and from what I remember you were unsure about wanting any children and now this..and this Dr. Sloan...he is not your friend..it is a lot to ask..even of you?" "I'm sure". "Well in that case I have only one thing to ask of you – if you need help, if YOU need anything, you must treat us, Maria and I, as part of your family now and do not be afraid to ask..you are part of our family now, a third daughter. If you permit us we will be honoured to have you in our family"

Arizona looked at her watch again, 1am. She had intended to be home hours ago. She hated not being there, now that Calliope was so close, now that the due date for Cal..their baby was only weeks away. She knew Calliope just wanted it over but she wanted it never to end. She was so not ready for this in any way. She loved Calliope BEING pregnant, once the horror had worn off. She loved what it had done to her body; she thought she could not desire anyone any more than Calliope but pregnant Calliope had brought it to another level entirely. She had loved the changes, it was as if there was something new every day, she could not wait to get home every day to unwrap her to see what new change the day had brought.

And that bump, oh god, who knew that a swollen belly could be so sexy! It was more than that; Arizona knew she had fallen madly head over heels with that bump, she spoke to it, sang to it,caressed it. Her sleeping position had changed too, each night she would fall asleep either in Calliopes arms or spooning her, but each morning she would wake up and find her arms cradling that bump. She didn't want the bump to go and she wasn't ready to meet the baby. She was not ready for this baby, she had tried to tell herself she was, but now all she could remember was Lexies words, "I'm not ready to be a MOM"

And when was she going to have time? She was so busy all the time and especially now as she tried her best to clear the decks so she could in good conscience take as much leave as possible once the baby arrived. Her workload was..well between Malawi and being Head of Paeds again; she almost missed Stark until she remembered that half the reason her workload was crazy was because of the mess he left behind. God he was a cretin! Just left with one days notice, had got a better position, he said, where it didn't rain so much and the Doctors didn't have so many personal issues. That was 3 months ago. The chief had called her in, asked her if she wanted her old job back and when she said yes he had hugged her. Then they had yet another uncomfortable discussion about her personal life-for a private person it seemed she had a lot of those lately. He told her it was one of the regrets of his life not having children; that he had a chance once to be a father to another man's child; to Ellis Greys daughter and he hadn't taken it, whether out of pride or fear. He told her that he loved his wife but that if he had to do it all over again he would have taken the chance.

The trips to Malawi had settled down to once every three months, for a week to ten days at a time. She had been back twice and all was well. The new flight arrangements certainly helped. Carlos had arranged it all. On her first trip back Calliope insisted on driving and she had been so distracted at the thought of both of them being back in the Departures section of Sea-Tac she hadn't realised that they were going the wrong way, not until they pulled into a private airfield where the Torres family jet sat on the runway. The jet landed at Miami, where she had been met by Carlos and Maria, taken to dinner, taken home (to the biggest private home she had ever seen) and then chauffeured to the jet early the next morning and then straight to Malawi. She got to talk to the pilot and co-pilot, avoided most of the hassle of commercial flying and arrived refreshed. No jetlag, less fear of flying. Mr. Torres insisted that she have the use of the jet for all her trips to Malawi and would not take no for an answer.

Arizona thought of how her own parents had reacted to the pregnancy. Arizona spoke to her parents nearly every day but try as she might she had not summoned up the courage to tell them of their impending Grandparenthood until Callie was 5 and a half months pregnant. In many ways the Robbins' reaction to her relationship with Callie was the polar opposite to that of the Torres. She had first mentioned her in passing to her mother on the phone the morning after THAT kiss. They weren't even dating. Later Kate Robbins had told her daughter that she had known from that very first call that there was something different about this girl. Dan and Kate Robbins had long since come to terms with their daughters sexuality, had met a few girlfriends over the years but worried about her. They knew that their daughter had endured her share of heartbreak; that she was a strong and independent woman but that sometimes she closed herself off to possibilities as a protection against more heartbreak. When their son died they watched as their daughter retreated further into a fortress of her own making. She had such capacity for love but they worried she would never fulfil it. They were excited therefore by the new girl in their daughters life. Arizona was not aware of it but conversations now were full of "Calliope said this" and "AND then Calliope did that" When they broke up over babies the Robbins were saddened, they had tried to come to terms with Arizona's stance on babies, disappointed for themselves but mostly that their daughter would not experience the joy of motherhood. Now it was costing her the person who just may have been her soul mate. When they had reunited with the promise of babies in the future the Robbins were ecstatic.

The breakup over Africa had been devastating. Their daughter had instigated it but was clearly broken by it. They had never seen her like this; it was as if the fortress had repelled the invader(Callie)and then had collapsed onto Arizona, destroying her in the process. So they watched carefully from a distance as Arizona returned and attempted to win Callie back. And after several weeks it seemed successful. Dan and Kate were at once delighted but wary. They knew that Arizona was hiding something. Arizona didn't like surprises but she had been distancing herself and Dans military tactics came to the fore. They had decided on the element of surprise.

It was hard to tell who had been most surprised. When they knocked on the door of "502" it was opened by a very obviously pregnant Callie. Arizona was in surgery, Callie rendered speechless. She knew who they were of course, had spoken to them very often via Skype just not since the reunion. Callie had been upset by Arizonas reluctance to tell her parents; secretly wondering if it was part of an exit strategy if it all got too much. She invited them in by gesture rather than words and to make matters even worse Mark was there too. He had offered to help decorate the nursery and with Arizonas schedule (Stark had just left) and Callies size they were both happy to accept the offer. Mark took it upon himself, still not knowing their identity, to introduce himself as "Dr. Mark Sloan, Plastic Surgeon and proud Dad to be" It really didn't help matters that he had uttered the last four words while patting Callies bump. Dan , a man of action, acted. The first thing Mark knew about it was when he came round 2 hours later in the ER. The first thing Arizona knew about it was when she was paged to the ER after her surgery.

There, sporting a black eye, was Mark, still out cold on a gurney. Her father was having his hand attended to by Callie, who did not look at all happy. Her mother was staring at Arizona in shock.

"So, Mom, Dad, would this be a good time to tell you some really REALLY great news?"

"I told you to tell them, I begged you to tell them and now your parents think I'M a slut who sneaks her boyfriend around when you are out hard at work! Thanks Arizona, way to be supportive! Colonel your hand is just bruised it should be fine in a day or two"

No, really not the way she wanted to tell her parents. And boy were they angry. For having been kept out of the loop, for Arizona not trusting them with her news and they were angry,most of all, at Callie. Arizona was their little girl, and she had cried and cried and cried at the breakup while Callie had apparently been doing something entirely different. It was one thing for Arizona to forgive but her parents could not. Callie was devastated and blamed Arizona. Arizona was angry at her parents and told them to decide whether or not they wanted to be part of their grandchild's life but that she really didn't care. Kate Robbins wondered how would this baby be their grandchild when clearly it wasn't Arizonas as there was a DAD on the scene. Things got heated, things got said and in the midst of all this Mark woke up.

"Hello, what just happened, I think I got hit by a truck? No, Mark, that was my Dad, I'm really sorry. Your DAD- what is it with lesbians and their Dads trying to kill me?"

In the end it was Mark, rather surprisingly, who saved the day. had apologised and being the man he was suggested to Mark that he might wish to call the police and if so he would accept full responsibility for his actions. Mark declined simply saying that he'd never be able to explain to his kid how he'd got Granddad sent to gaol. The dimpled super magic smile sent his way from Kate Robbins seemed to make the pain go away.

Mark Sloan. She never could understand why Calliope adored him so much, she could never really see the great friend she said was there under his manwhore surface. Then the pregnancy happened. Arizona wanted to kill him, she wanted to mutilate him. The thoughts of him touching her Calliope actually gave her nightmares. No matter what he said(and he was saying mostly the right things) the fear that he would ultimately take Calliope and the baby from her just wouldn't go away. She was trusting Calliope, more and more each day but she would never trust Mark.

And then the incident with her parents happened and Mark insisted that they all calm down and go out to dinner together. He insisted that they go, even though Callie was not talking to her, she was not talking to her parents and her parents were barely talking to Callie. It didn't seem to matter because Mark did all the talking. He said he couldn't wait to be a father but was terrified he would mess it up. He talked about what a great couple she and Callie were, what great Moms they would make, how lucky his baby was going to be to have 2 amazing Moms and 4 grandparents who cared so much. When Dan Robbins said "well 6 grandparents counting my wife and I", Mark corrected him "No, sir, 4 including you and Mrs. Robbins. My mom passed away a while back but as she spent most of her life strung out on prescription meds she wasn't grandma material and my Dad, well, as he never gave me the time of day I can't see him being interested in my kid"

He told that between him and Carlos Torres they had pretty much made certain that Mark would never dare do anything to hurt either Calzona or the baby. Of course then he had to explain "Calzona" somewhat amazed that neither girl had heard "their" name before. So Mark had sort of saved the day and really surprisingly had impressed the Colonel no end. Of course if the 3 of them were going to co-parent it would help if the Grandparents were on board but still her DAD and Mark Sloan bonding...it was a little disturbing.

Now three months on she and Mark had an understanding and they were becoming friends. He really did seem totally on board with the 2 mommies and a dad scenario. He seemed as worried as she was; he worried that she and Callie would take the baby from him. He had really seemed disbelieving that she had been insecure about Callie returning to him(pre Africa). Did she not know, did she not really get how much Callie loved her, how great they were together.

But now time was running out and the baby was almost here. As she made her way home she knew she wasn't ready. She imagined just how easy it would be to pack some clothes and just leave. She knew she'd be letting everyone down but wouldn't it be easier than doing it in a few months time, wouldn't it be better than staying and messing up this baby by being a bad mom? And Callie, well she deserved someone who wouldn't bail, and in the meanwhile Mark would take care of her. But she had promised...

She tried to make as little noise as possible as she entered the apartment, now closer to 2 am. She needn't have bothered, Callie was still awake.

Callie had spent the night wondering about everything that had happened to her and Arizona since that night in the elevator. They had talked and talked, they had counselling with ; including joint and individual sessions. She knew Arizona had found the individual sessions particularly gruelling, she had described it as being dismantled brick by brick from the inside out.

They had met the parents and after rocky starts with both the Torres and the Robbins family there were now 4 very excited Grandparents- to- be just waiting for the call. After the initial shock their story was now very much yesterdays news at SGMW. The latest batch of interns now satisfying the hospitals voracious appetite for gossip.

Mark was on board both as a father and as one third of their co-parenting plan. He and Arizona had grown closer as she and he had grown apart, and in the midst of all of it he may at the age of 39 have found himself a foster father in . Even her Dad had warmed to him slightly. Best Mark related news had to be that he and Lexie were dating again, taking it slow.

Arizona had been amazing throughout; she had jumped in feet first and despite being a Paeds Doctor had still read every baby and birthing book ever written(or so it seemed). She had been there, holding Callies hand at every Doctors appointment ,test, scan, Lamaze class. She had showered Callie with affection and had never left her in any doubt of her desire and love.

And yet as the due date neared Callie could see the terror building in Arizona. Callie had kept the tiniest part of her heart and her head privy to a secret, to a fear. The fear that despite everything it was still too much to ask of Arizona, too much to expect of a woman who before meeting Callie had never even wanted children. The secret was that if the fear came true then she would let her go, that all this time she had secretly prepared to give Arizona an 'out', an escape clause and if she took it Callie vowed not to hate her for it.

"It's really late, where were you?" " Finishing up some paperwork, its been crazy over there" "Sure you weren't just putting off coming home to the hormonal elephant in the room?" "No, how come you're still awake..you need your sleep, you should be in bed"

"I can't sleep I've been uncomfortable all day and had cramps and it's not as bad when I'm standing but ... Oh I'm sorry ,am I boring you" Callie said in a huff as Arizona had wordlessly walked out of the living room and into their bedroom, where she was now packing some of her clothes in a bag. "What are you, where are you going, Arizona?"

"This is going to be a long night, I may need a change of clothes" smiled Arizona zipping up her bag and lifting a second bag which had been pre-packed for weeks "I am going to the hospital, with you, because I'm pretty sure your waters just broke"

And so it began. Callie hadn't wanted Mark in the delivery room, just Arizona. Arizona had persuaded her to let him in once the labour had progressed to a certain point. Phone calls were made to both Miami and Ohio and hours passed. Twelve hours passed during which Callie Torres strong ortho bone breaking hands squeezed Arizona Robbins slightly smaller hands to the point where it was difficult to tell whose screams were loudest. It was just as well that Arizona had arranged plenty time off as the deep bruising on her cutting hand would have rendered her incapable of surgery for at least a week.

And then she arrived, an 8lbs 2oz bundle of screaming joy, her three parents present at her birth. Callie gave birth, Arizona delivered the baby and Mark cut the cord. In that moment there was no animosity, no jealousy, no fear just a common emotion of unbridled joy.

As Arizona held her baby girl for the first time, she realised that the fear was gone; this was her daughter, she had become her daughter that night in the elevator; she had become a Mom that night too. As Callie watched Arizona cradle their newborn in her arms ,adorning her with the gentlest of kisses while tears flowed unchecked and unnoticed from those blue eyes Callie knew too that the escape clause, the 'out' would never be needed.

The one part of the entire pregnancy that Callie had insisted on sharing only with Mark was the name of the baby; Arizona had tried to understand but had been hurt by the exclusion. Now as the baby lay in Marks strong embrace Callie held Arizonas hand and said "Mark and I were hoping, if you don't have any objection, to name her after your Dad and brother? If you don't mind we would like you to meet Danielle Maria Sloan Torres or Dani for short?

It was then that Arizona knew beyond a doubt that this would work; that the three of them would be parents and that she and Callie would be together forever. Nothing could be clearer.

_Yes moments of clarity can come at any time, sometimes when we least expect them, sometimes in the shape of an 8lb 2oz screaming bundle called Dani Torres._

_The End_


End file.
